Until Forever

Chapter Thirteen

I dream that night.

I dream that I manage to write twelve songs, each one better than the next and that Stay Tuned records their debut album. It releases at the top of the charts and stays there, skyrocketing the band to an unfathomable level. And then, all of a sudden the rest of the world knows my little secret about how incredible Finn is.

The playful nature of his personality becomes magnified under the intense spotlight and it draws people to him like moth to flame. He's a natural. This is what he was meant to do with his life. In my dream, I am nothing more than a face in the crowd, another fangirl groupie vying for his undivided attention.  

I wake with a start, irritated about the insecurities that lurk deep within my subconsciousness and creep into my brain when I am sleeping and defenceless against them. I sit straight up in the bed, my heart racing and palms sweaty until I feel his arms snake around my waist.

"You alright, pretty girl?" he asks in a sleepy voice.

I swallow the lump in my throat and exhale. "Yes," I say. "Just having weird dreams."

His fingers begins a slow ascent up my spine. "Want to talk about it?"

"No," I say. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Then come here," he tugs at me, pulling my weight back down on the bed and rather than turn away from him, I position myself so we are face to face.

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you'll ever forget about me?"

His brow draws together. "What? Never." He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Why would you ask me that?"

"I don't know," I say. "Stupid insecurities."

"Insecurities are like ninjas, huh? They just appear out of nowhere and attack."  

I laugh. "Do you have them?"

He runs his tongue along his bottom lip and nods. "Yeah, of course."

"About what?"

"Mostly about the future."

This makes perfect sense but it's hard to picture Finn worry about anything. He's all about living in and for the moment. He's so calm and controlled and together...or is that a facade?

"About the band?"

"About the band, about the record deal. I mean I can't say I don't worry about what would happen if we failed."

"You won't," I say with absolute certainty.

His fingers rake through my hair. "I worry about us."

That particular choice of words makes me cringe. "About what?"

"Well," he says. "I don't want you to freak out and leave."

"Why on earth would I do that?"

He takes a sharp intake of air. "I'm afraid that I'm not enough."

"Of course you're enough. Don't be ridiculous."

"Says the one who thinks I could possibly forget about her. It's just...Lilah...It's a long story but an important one and it's better to tell you when I have more of a chance to explain things."

I managed to accept that I want to do this with him. To throw caution to the wind and surge forward after all those things we desired so long ago. He wasn't going to scare me away with his Lilah cryptic voodoo talk. Everyone had a history, didn't they? Stories we kept deep within our closets, until it's time to pull them out and dust them off.