teenagers

1.0

it's been one year and six months since maxxie died. i know he told us all to be happy but some times we just couldn't.

cassie couldn't take it. depression eventually took over her and she went to wherever maxxie went. we weren't allowed to go to her funeral though because her family thought we were trash. i hated them for that. maxxie didn't have a funeral because he parents didn't give a shit about him so cassie was the only way to get closure. we still went, we stood in the background but it was close enough to hear what was being said.

chris and noah moved to america, deciding it would be better for them to be away from everything that happened. chris is currently writing his first official book and noah got scouted and now plays for a minor soccer team.

that left me. 

i had no one left to go to. all my friends were either dead or too caught up in their own lives to care about mine. my parents paid more attention to my brother than they did to me. i was just expected to set  good example and not break down. as long as i did that they didn't care about how i spent my time.

i did start eating properly again but i relapsed after a month. i tried to be healthy for maxxie but i realised he was dead and he was never going to come back. there was no point in pleasing someone who was impossible to please.

i usually avoided home. i didn't want to be with people who didn't care about me. 

i spent most of my time at the park after chris and noah left. i sat at the spot we used to go, the spot where maxxie died, the spot where we read the suicide note.

everyday i would go there, i'd play sad music out loud and i'd lay on the grass. people would give me worried looks and some would even ask me if i was okay. every time they asked i would say "i'm fine" and every time they would nod and walk away.

usually my mind would be empty. i thought of nothing. but this time it was different. this time i contemplated everything.

what was the point in me staying alive?

chris and noah barely talk to me so it's not like they'd care. it's too late for maxxie and cassie to have a say in anything. my parents don't care about me. my brother barely sees me anymore.

so what was stopping me?

i stood up and walked to the pond in the middle of the park. it was next to where we used to sit when we were still together so barely anyone would see me. plus it was one o'clock in the morning so i doubt anyone would be at the park. 

i stepped in at a shallow point and kept walking. still hearing music playing from the spot i layed not even five minutes ago. i kept walking. the water reached my ankles, then my knees, then my waist. 

was this a mistake? 

no, i had to do this. i was a burden to everyone around me.

the water reached my shoulders. i kept going. the water was above my head. i let a broken smile place itself across my lips. 

this was it, this was the end.

:-)