“So, Doc, Jake and I had been dating for a little less than two months and we were starting to get pretty serious. We already lived together, met the other’s parents, and were discussing our plans for the future.” Jake always had known what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to be a doctor. His mission in life was to help people and to take care of them. I figured out by the time I was in high school that I had to be an attorney. Simply because I was great at arguing and I love to win almost as much as I hate to lose. At the time, I never thought about becoming a divorce lawyer because I didn’t know anyone who was divorced. My parents had married when they were twenty and are still together. It wasn’t until I got to college that I realized how many people actually got divorced. I determined that it would be a great market and there would always be people who needed a good divorce lawyer, so that is what I became.
“Jake knew that I am hard set against divorce. I don’t like to lose and I see divorce as a failure to fix a marriage. He agreed, but said it was because he thought divorce should only be the last resort when the marriage cannot be fixed anymore. Either way we both agreed that if we were to ever get married, there would be no divorce.” Looking back, it seems like a simple agreement. All you have to do is stay married to a person how hard can that be? The answer, very hard.
“Mel, would you please tell me why you have this view on divorce?”
Now, I normally hate being interrupted, but I thought it was a valid question so I decided to answer him. “My parents have been married for almost thirty years. Both sets of grandparents have been married for over fifty years. They all said that there were times that they wanted to leave the marriage, but they stuck it out.” That was putting it nicely. My parents separated twice while I was growing up. Once when I was a baby, and again when I was in middle school. Unfortunately I remember the middle school separation. They were fighting at all hours of the night. I used to beg for them to just get a divorce. Then one day, my dad just moved out. It lasted about a month, and he moved back in. Apparently they got the help that they needed and they are still married today.
“And you don’t think those marriages have anything to do with love?”
This I had to ponder. Did my parents love each other? Is that what holds their marriage together? I don’t think that is what it is though. My mom once told me, “to love someone is one thing, to be married to someone is completely different.”
“I think that most marriages start with love, but that isn’t what holds it together. You know that old saying, “First comes love, then come marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage?” I think that is what happens. People fall in love so they get married. Once they are married, the marriage and the things like a house and children are what keep it together.” I gave the Doctor and then Jake a small smile. While the doctor is looking quite intrigued by my last statement, Jake just looks sad. He is always telling me that a marriage that isn’t based on love is just a business deal, our marriage in particular.
“On our two month anniversary, Jake took me out to a Boston Bruins game. We enjoyed ourselves as much as we do at any game, but near the end of the game he got a little weird. He asked me to go on a walk with him when the game ended. After a short drive, and a long walk, we reached this picturesque dock.” It really was the perfect setting. There was a ship bobbing off shore with just a lantern showing its location. The weather was perfect for late February and a blizzard was going to hit soon. We sat down on the edge of the dock and talked for what seemed like hours. Then as the sun started to peak over the horizon, Jake changed our relationship forever. “That night Jake told me that he was in love with me and asked me to marry him. I turned him down.”
It was nothing against Jake; I really did care for him. I just did not want to get married. When you spend every day watching what started out as love turn into the deepest hatred you have ever seen, marriage loses its appeal. “I’m a divorce lawyer, Doc. I pay to see you on the money I make from ending marriages. It is my job. If a marriage has a fifty-fifty shot of working out, why would you gamble with that?”
Jake hasn’t interrupted me during this whole segment which at first I found weird, until I realized why. He was sitting there counting his heartbeats. The only time he checks his own pulse is when he is too upset to think straight. I have only seen him do it one other time’ the night that I told him that I couldn’t marry him.
“That was on February 28th. That was the day Jake proposed to me and we broke up. February 29th was the day Jake proposed to me and we got engaged.”
As if the whole scene had gone on rewind, the Doctor’s head bobbled back and forth and ended staring at me cockeyed. I had officially confused him. Though I can’t really blame him, it didn’t make much sense. Who breaks up one day and gets engaged the next? Apparently Jake and I do.
“The reason we got engaged was because I proposed an idea to him. After he proposed to me, I couldn’t sleep. The last thing that I ever wanted to do was lose Jake, and that was exactly what had happened. He said that he loved me and wanted us to get married. I told him that I still don’t believe in love, especially not enough to marry someone because of it. So he dumped me. That night I formed a plan.”
I obviously was in no mood to sleep. Especially since Jake and I had moved in together and I had to stay on my friend’s couch that night. So I did what I do best, I lawyered up. Trying to determine how to both keep Jake and make him happy, I created a contract. It outlined all of the things that we would have to agree to in order to get married. The outline stated that Jake and I will get married only if both parties agree to and sign the contract.
“The contract said that we would get married as long as Jake and I agreed to certain conditions. He had to be okay with my feelings not being the same as his. In turn, I had to accept his feelings towards me. We couldn’t get a divorce unless one of us cheated. This way we could stay together, have all the benefits of being married, but without the problem of emotions.”
My plan was perfect. Jake and I would be able to stay together. He would be allowed to express his feelings for me as long as he was okay with them not being reciprocated. Plus, with our jobs, being married was a definite advantage. Law and medicine are not exactly known for being conducive to relationships. Plus, it would be nice to come home every night to someone in my bed who cares about me.
“Jake agreed to the contract and even said that he was okay knowing that I wouldn’t love him. He loved me and could deal with it. He said he could handle anything as long as he had me by his side. This time there was no dock, no romance, nothing picturesque, just us. We were sitting at a Starbucks, feeding my coffee addiction, and Jake signed the contract. Then, in true Jake form, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. This time, I said yes.”
Who would have thought that I would ever get engaged, let alone at a Starbucks over a contract? My friends were always telling me “to never say never.” Well, I said I would never get married, and guess who got married? Well, that proposal was perfect for me. It was practical, it was normal, it was me. Even looking back on the memory, I can’t help but smile. I had finally found a win-win situation for our relationship.
“Two weeks later, we got married and have been happy ever since. Well, until recently. I don't know if it was Jake or if it was me, but somewhere in the last few months, we have been playing this game with each other. We thought counseling would fix it, but it has only made it worse. Right, Jake? Babe, do you want to take over?” One look at him, and anyone would know that he was stressing. His hair was tousled to the side, his eyes too dark, and his posture slouched, nothing was Jake-like. The man looked like he was ready to combust, but instead he just began to talk.
“We had been together for two months and I knew that I was in love with Mel…”
YOU ARE READING
First Comes Marriage (Completed & Editing)
Romance“I think that most marriages start with love, but that isn’t what holds it together. You know that old saying, “First comes love, then come marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage?” I think that is what happens. People fall in love so they ge...
