First Comes Marriage (Completed & Editing)

Straight Out Of A Romantic Comedy

Inhaling, I gathered my emotions, and narrowed my eyes on the doctor. This man who was supposed to be a rational voice, yet he sounds like he is writing a sappy romance novel. Preparing for the battle, I adjusted myself, attempting to settle the anger that was boiling under the surface, and began.

“Doctor, I understand that your job is to make people who were once in love, fall back into it. That is nice and all, but not here. I am not, have never been, nor will I ever be in love with Jake. Do I care about him? Of course! But do I love him? Not a chance.”

Who was this man to think that he could go around a spurt out his opinion? I did not ask for it, and that is not the reason we are in counseling. If for one minute he thinks that he is going to turn me into a cheesy romantic, he better strap in because this is going to be a bumpy ride.

“Love is an emotion. It is controlled by chemicals in your brain. Your heart is not involved at all.” I stabilized my trembling voice as I began to state my case. “Imagine if you let a single emotion control your entire existence. You feel angry; so you decide to live angry. What happens? You go to jail for murder, assault, things of that nature. Say, for example, you feel sad. So you allow yourself to live in a state of depression. You either live every day without the hope of a better tomorrow or you try to end all the pain. Tell me, why should I put my whole life in the hands of love, a simple emotion?”

Silence.

There is no argument that he can state that disproves my own. As I watch the man who was just so arrogant and vocal with his opinions slouch back into his chair, a smirk spreads across my face. This time, I do not even try to hide it. His eyebrows crease, and his forehead wrinkles in contemplation as he slowly opens his mouth only to close it again.

Mel  1.  Doc  0.

“Now that I have cleared that up, we can continue. I believe you asked about when Jake and I dated. Have you ever watched a romantic comedy?” I asked the man. His head nodded, still shocked from my earlier outburst, but more aware of his surroundings. “Good then you have a very good picture of what it was like dating Jake. You see he did all of the romantic things you see in movies. He took me on a picnic in a park once. There was a checkered blanket, wicker basket, potato salad, and the whole nine yards. Once, he made dinner reservations for us at this really romantic restaurant. It turned out he reserved the whole dining area just for us. It was covered in candles, and there was a man with a violin playing gently in the background. I almost forgot about the gifts! You see, Jake sent a lot of gifts. Some days he sent chocolate, some days he sent flowers, some days he sent balloons, but there was a different present every day for a month. Like I said, it was straight out of a romantic comedy.”

My voice did not hide the irony that I was about to tack on to my little speech. Then, I looked over at Jake out of the corners of my eyes, and I noticed that his cheerful demeanor was gone. I can’t really describe the emotions that clouded his eyes. The playful green was gone, now they looked like moss that had devoured an old tire. That is a look that I never want to see again, but I know what he is thinking. He doesn’t want me to tell the doctor the second half of each of those dates, because they didn’t end nearly as romantically as planned.

The picnic started off nice enough. There was food, and I like to eat. But the sun was shining and with auburn hair, comes pale skin. Needless to say I got a second-degree sunburn. Then, just to top it off, we had picnicked next to poison ivy. We were covered in flaming, itching patches all over our lower halves. For the next week there was no thought of doing anything past second base. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to; we were just hurting too badly. So, Jake scheduled round two.

We went to this restaurant that keeps the lights dimmed because they claim it helps you “enjoy the food better.” It was supposed to help set the mood for romance. I tend to think it is because they don’t want you to see what the food or your date really looks like. But Jake insisted that it would be a great way to get to know each other better. For the first hour that is exactly what happened. We talked and I actually listened to him this time. Part of the reason was because there was nothing else to do. I think Jake planned that. After about an hour of eating and talking, surrounded by more candles than I could ever count, we started to smell something strange. It seemed the waiter had knocked over a candelabra and one of the countless red tapestries was beginning to burn. That is how our second outing went. We ran out of a burning building, and waited for the fire department. 

As much as I would love to rub into the doctor’s face every disaster that occurred on our dates, one look into those dejected, green eyes stopped me in my tracks. Winning the fight with the counselor wasn’t worth hurting Jake. So I sucked it up and decided to be a good wife.

“You see our dates were planned with so much care, but it seemed that fate caused each of them to end on a bit of a sour note. Jake always tried to make it up to me though. I think that is where the gifts came in.” Good job Mel. The moss is fading, Jake is back. Mission accomplished.

“That cycle of date, bad ending, and gift continued for that first month. It was the day before our one month anniversary that Jake and I had our first official fight. He had sent thirty roses to my office. Thirty roses He attached some card about how each rose represented one beautiful day he had gotten to spend with me, and how he wants it to be like this forever. I lost it. Sifting through my purse, I sent him a text telling him that the minute he got off of his shift at the hospital, he better call me. That night he finally called and I told him the truth. I hate flowers, I am allergic to chocolate, balloons scare me, romantic dates are cliché, and with our track record we really should avoid leaving the confines of our apartments.”

That got the doctors attention again. He starts scribbling in his little spiral notebook. Though, I am sure it is not legible. Doctors, even if they are marriage counselors, cannot write at all. Jake has handwriting so bad, that he cannot even read it sometimes.

“Now, Mel, that is very interesting that you waited for an entire month to blow up at Ja-“ I cut him off.

“My story. You can do your shrink thing after I am done.” His mouth closed again. This man is really easy to manipulate. Or he is scared of me. I'm good with either.

“We didn’t break up. In fact, Jake apologized and said he was sorry for assuming. Then I told him not to say that because he called me an ass.” On cue the counselor’s head tilted to the side. “You know, if you assume it makes an ass out of you and me.” Still nothing. I quit, this man is a lost cause.

“For our one month anniversary Jake finally did something that I wanted to do. He took me to watch a game. Now, I know that it was a basketball game and I prefer football, but for once I didn’t feel awkward on a date. I didn’t have to dress up, or impress anyone. I got to drink beer, scream at players, eat junk food, and the best part? I won a bet with Jake and became a hundred dollars richer. He is a Boston Celtics fan. I was rooting for the Dallas Mavericks. My team won. That was the night I decided that I was okay with spending more time with Jake. That marked my longest relationship ever.”

I didn’t tell him about what happened after the basketball game, but it was like that first date all over again. Except, this time we knew each other better. There was no awkwardly trying to figure out what the other person likes and what they don’t. It was pure ecstasy. From the time my feet entered his apartment, I was swept up in a haze of pleasure. He took total control of me; body, soul, and mind. Jake knows what he is doing in that department and he knows the best way to make me happy. Sometime I need something to let out my anger and aggression, so we go hard, fast, and rough. Other times I need him to be passionate and take his time slowly torturing the desire out of me. The thing is, I never have to tell him. It’s like he already knows what I need and is giving it to me.

“We moved in together the next day and for the next month, that is how our relationship went. Gone was the romance, and in came the fun, care-free relationship that I wanted. It lasted until…well I should probably let Jake tell his side before I give away the spoiler alert. Babe?”

“Good thinking Mel. First of all Doc…”