It's Only Time (Ashton Irwin Fanfiction based on Dark)

Chapter 21

*I'm writing this chapter using my own experiances. Not all of them.are what I went through, but most. Please dont get ANY ideas. Don't read if you will get easily offened by depression and ect... And if you know anybody with this problem, help them now. -Reagan*

Its been two days since I last saw Ashton. I've been locked up in this hell hole that used to be Sam's home. She was confirmed dead, and Harry is still missing. I ran out of food, and I'm scared to leave the house. I have too much time to think, my mind is going insane. I havent showered or even gotten out of bed since yesterday. I miss Ashton. Bad. I need him here. I tried calling this morning, but it went straight to voicemall. What if he's hurt? What if... No, I can't think about that. I blew the hair out of my face and tried calling again.

"Hi, its Ashton. Leave a message." Beeep. I hung up. Tears messily fell onto the matress and I let them. I took a handful of my hair and yanked hard, then stopped. What am I doing? I can't do this again. That was my past, this is my future. Only, how am I supppsed to live when everything I'm living for is gone? I finally stepped out of the bed and padded to the bathroom. Turning on the hot water, I let myself slip into one of my famous trances.

"Slut"

"Bitch"

"Stupid Cunt"

"Die"

The voices reapeted in my head and I turned the water hotter. It burned me, but I let it. Huge pink welts formed on my back, and eventually I moved the tempeture back to a cooler level. I started washing my hair and let a few chunks fall the shower floor. Fuck this. Fuck living. I didn't cry as I let my trance move on longer. My eyes skimmed over the rack in the shower, and I located my razor. I popped the blade out and sat on the tile floor, the water still running on me. One slice for the bad, two slice for the good, three for the people I will miss. Harry, My mom, and Ashton. The shower water turned red when it hit my thigh, the blood rushing from the lines. After about five minutes the blood had stopped and I felt a little better. I stepped out of the shower, leaving the water on. Why should I care? Not my bills not pay. Not my life, not anymore. I roamed the rooms in nothing but a towel. The voices still replayed in my head, whispering. My thigh throbbed in pain, and I punched it to make it stop. I walked at zombie pace through each room until I came over a small, spilled bottle of pills. Seventeen pills. Doesnt matter what they are, it would kill me. I grabbed all of them and swallowed one by one, without water. I continued to walk, looking for a nice place to die. As I was walking up the stairs, I tripped on something. I gun. I sat back against the wall, held it to my head and whispered.

"Let all the good I've done in my life leave me and let me rot in hell." My finger eased down on the trigger.

"Brie?" A voice called. I looked to my left and saw....

Everything went black.

***So, I yes. If you know anybody who currently goes through this, or if you go through it yourself, I'm here for you. I'm almost 2 months sober of no self harm.. and I'd like to thank 5SOS for that. They really helped me. Any way, you can always kik me, we can talk personally on there: hiyareagan . I love all of you, and thanks for reading. And who does Brie see? Did she pull the trigger? Find out in the next chapter(:- Rea***

****And I cant atop cryinf now because this chapter amde me emotional but it felt good to writex about it bevaise that hekps ao yeha enjoy****