I'm Sorry °Short Story°

Sorrow

Louis felt disgusting. He threw up twice. Once when Harry was asleep after they had sex. And in the morning. Louis felt dirty. And it felt wrong. But Louis knew one thing. He felt something. Something for Edward. And that's what scared him most. He was Harry's brother for God sakes. He was Harry's brother who was born two minutes after. He was 19.He was intelligent and witty and funny and he was smart he shouldn't have done this. He looked like Harry when he was 16. With baby fat and pretty innocent eyes. But he was tall. He was as tall as Harry and maybe that's what made it hard for Louis. He thought it was Harry.

He heard the door open and he was laying in bed. And he wasn't tired he was horny. God he was so fucking horny and he should've known. And the lights were off in his room. He and Harry always made love in darkness because Louis said you could focus on the feel and the moans and begging and pleading and everything he was doing.

But it wasn't Harry. It was Edward. And it was so good. He thought it was Harry. By God he had the same scent the same hair the same eyes that were glowing back at him in the dark. The same moans the same everything. He was so stupid. He couldn't look his own boyfriend in the eyes.

Harry thought he was okay. He thought he was tired. He thought he was coming down with something. He thought he had a headache. But no. Not at all. He was struck to the bone with fear and guilt and holding back infinite tears. Louis needed to get it out. He needed to speak. But if he told Harry it was over. He'd Fuck up not only their relationship, but The brothers as well.

So he talked to the only person he could about this.

Eddie opened the door and saw Louis fist were clenched into fists and his jaw was tight and it looked almost painfully strong. Louis simply pushed back the boy shut the door and stared at him.

"Why?" He asked softly.

"I don't-"

"Edward don't you fucking say you don't know you know damn well why you did this." Edward's eyes filled with tears and his sobs were lodged in his throat and Louis sighed reaching out to rub his arm like always but Edward yanked back.

"You can't just do that Louis!" He shouted, a sob following his outburst.

"What are you talking about you did this to me. You took advantage of me Edward." Louis told him putting stress when he addressed himself. Edward swiped a hand quick under his eyes.

"You always go around with Harry you're always so happy with him and sometimes you get us confused and you give me Harry's heart eyes and Harry's hugs and Harry's kisses on the cheek until you realize I'm not him and you don't know you have no idea how much it hurts. It hurts so much I just wanted something like that! I wanted you, but Harry had you!" Edward sobbed.

"Eddie it's not like I mean to-" Louis began his words soft and gentle but he stopped when Edward hiccuped.

"I'm not loveable Louis." Louis gave him sad eyes.

"Love you are just not by me in that specific way. I love your brother with all I've got." Louis stated. Suddenly, it seemed that those words didn't fit right in his mouth. And he was scared shitless.

"You loved me the other night Louis... You can't love me now. You couldn't love me before. I'm not loveable. I've never been loveable all they want is Harry and what am I? A geek. Even at school Louis they wanted him. I could miss school for a week and nobody would care and he'd miss first period and a search party would be after him." Louis scrubbed a hand down his face.

"Babe... Is this truly about me or is this a grudge you need to work out with your brother?" Edward's eyes bulged.

"I love you are you kidding!" Edward declared. And Louis had never felt so small and so afraid. "But I know that it won't happen ever." Louis bit his lip. "But I do regret it and I'm so so sorry Louis."

"I could classify that as Rape Edward." And the look on Edward's face was absolute terror and tears. "But I won't. And Eddie we love you so much. I just don't understand. Was it truly worth it? I mean how am I gonna tell Harry?"

"You're gonna tell him! Louis no please don't!" Edward begged tears leaking from his eyes like a never ending fountain. Louis narrowed his eyes at him.

"Edward you practically raped me! I can't keep this from him, I love him!" Edward choked on sobs.

"Louis..." He whispered softly.

"Please don't guilt me into this any further." Louis begged in a hushed tone. "I can't I'm sorry." Edward was trembling in front of him.

"He'll kill me Lou please don't." Louis was silent. "He'll hit me you know he will." Louis tried to breathe but the air around him felt so thin. "Louis I'm so so so sorry but it was good you know it was and I'm sorry I'm saying this but it was." Louis shook his head trying to block him out. "Louis?"

"I know. I know how it felt Edward. I just... I wished it wasn't how it felt." He felt Edward approach him. "You knew everything about me I don't understand." He whispered.

"I tried so hard Louis. if I could make myself change. If I could morph into him I would." Louis spun around realizing how close he was to Eddie. How much of Harry he looked like. And maybe... Maybe he could play along

"Please." And the flames seemed to be drenched in gasoline from that one word grazing Louis' lips. And he was crying and Edward was crying. Then they were ripping clothes off each other. None of them could process it. It was angst. Stress. It was... It was so good.

And Edward knew Louis was never his. So when Louis screamed Harry's name, he just went along with it.