For the Love of all Things Random!

A Random Day at Home.

Today was horrible. My mom got us an ice cream cake. ICE CREAM in the dead heat? I refused to eat it. Who’s to know if this heat spoils it and I get food poisoning! Vomiting isn’t attractive no matter how you look at it.

ME: “I’d rather just have ice cream from the freezer if you don’t mind.”

C: ”What’s the difference?”

ME: “That cake sat in the car for like an hour, who knows what the heat might have done to it.”

Mom: “Random, I made it homemade. From the ice cream that was in the freezer.”

ME: “Oh. Well, what about the chances of spoiled eggs. Oh! What about eggs that were still alive! No, thank you.”

Dad: “Random.”

Me: “Fine, give me a plate. But I won this debate.”

C: (Laughing) “Sure you did, sis.”

ME: “Mmmmm….”

C: “You’re such a freak.”

ME: “No, I’m Random, your Corny.”

C: (Chases me) Random!

ME: ”Mom, dad, tell him he isn’t supposed to hit girls!”

Mom & Dad: “Stop it, both of you.”

ME: “I wonder if Meg is alright with you hitting your sister.”

C: “I didn’t hit you, Random.”

ME: “No, but you were thinking it, it’s basically the same thing.”

C: “Well, you attempted to kill me yesterday”

ME: “But I didn’t kill you”

C: “No, but you attempted, it’s basically the same thing.”

***************

Ugh! Brothers are so obnoxious. That’s so not the same thing right? Right? Right?! Whatever, who wanted your opinion anyways. No matter how you spin it, or who you blame it on, today was horrible.

I went over to my best friend Christie’s house toady and she wasn’t home.  I knocked on the door and a voice said through the door,  “Christie and her family have moved.”

How could they have moved? Without telling me, her best friend! Unbelievable. I even tried her cell and it said that she wasn’t taking any calls because she was having surgery on her heart. That is definitely something you tell your best friend! Well, forget her. If she’s going to make up a ridiculous story like heart surgery, then it’s not worth it anyways.

I was thinking about going to the pool, but who’s to say he’d be okay with yet another one of my travesties. I’ll try to keep my dangerous life a secret until after are wedding.  

I wonder what are kids will look like. Little Brian Jr. and Random Marie.  Too cute.  I wonder if he knows he resembles Zac Efron. Too hot!

What are we going to do for are date? Maybe  we’ll go to the anti-gravity center. No, too dangerous. Oh! Maybe the movies. No, there could be a fire. Dinner? No, who knows they could poison are food! (I barely trust my own mother!) Mini Golf! No, I could get pelted with balls, and I won’t tell you about the time a golf club nearly cleared my head from my shoulders!

Maybe a picnic. No, dang fire ants. Maybe I am paranoid. No I’m not paranoid, why would I be paranoid?! No, sir, I am not paranoid. Or am I?

How would you feel if you constantly are getting death threats? One time I was walking outside my house and our paper almost hit me square in the face and someone yelled, “You better watch out!” Right before it happened! If that’s not a death threat I don’t know what is.

Of course my family doesn’t take me seriously but they’ll be sorry when I end up dead.

Let’s move on I’m getting depressed.

********************

Cornelius had a friend over this afternoon.

When I walked into the kitchen they were making hot dogs.

C: “Do you want ketchup?”

ME: When I was younger I used to eat ketchup out of the bottle. It was yummy… Until it hurt my tummy.”

C: “I wasn’t talking to you, Random.”

Friend: “Wait your name is Random?”

ME: “Pretty random, right?”

Friend: “That’s an awesome name. I’m Charlie.”

ME: “Hi Charlie. Have you ever got a tummy ache from ketchup?”

Charlie: “Uh, no, not really.”

C: “Don’t mind her, she’s crazy.”

ME: “I’m not crazy, I’m random.”

C: “Same difference.”

ME: (I look at Charlie) I’m not crazy.

C: “Do you want ketchup!?”

ME:” Snappy much. Shesh, he has an anger problem.”

C:”No I have a Random problem!”

ME: “I have a random problem too. My fingernail broke really low and hurts.” (Sniffles)

C: “Go away, Random. “

ME: “You don’t have to be mean. You could have just asked nicely.”

C: “GO!”

ME: “I’m going, I’m going.”                 

He can be so mean to me sometimes. He should be nice since I keeping him around. I’m still thinking about leaving him in the dessert.  I wonder if olur parents will miss him too much, they’d still have me.

***************

ME: “Okay, well I’m going to be I don’t want to die from lack of sleep.”

(Lots of eye rolls)

Mom: “Oh, Random. Mrs. Morgan called she said Christies sorry she missed you call and that the surgery when great and that she’ll call you tomorrow evening sometime.”

I froze on the way to the stairs. She really had surgery? On her heart no less! Granted we did just met a few days ago and we hadn’t talked that long, I guess I shouldn’t expect her whole life story in a matter of minutes. I feel so bad now. She could have died today and I acted like it wasn’t that big a deal.

ME: “Mom, I went over to her house earlier and someone inside had said they moved.”

Mom: “They did, honey, they were living with Mr. Morgans’ parents, but found a place down the street from here. “

ME: “Oh. Boy was I wrong. Okay, well good night.”

Instead of being two blocks over she’ll be right down the street from us! I’m so excited I hope having a boyfriend and a best friend is okay. I hope I don’t make either one of them jealous. I would be jealous if some as awesome as me had to split their time between me and someone else. We’ll they’ll just have to live with it. Ehhhh!

I have a boy friend and a best friend I’m the luckiest person in the entire time.

She can be my maid of honor! Our babies’ god mother! This is going to be great!!!!

For the love of all things random, I’m Random and I have a best friend and a future husband!

Note from Author:

----  I’m positive that the store will not sell you eggs that are still alive, nor will an ice cream cake spoil on the ride home from the store, even if it were homemade. For all intents and purposes I advise you to keep your friends away from Random, I advise you personally to stay away from Random. She has a very strong personality. So, if you want to keep your sanity and your friends steer clear of Random Jones.  She may at times have a rational thought. Do NOT be fooled she will never learn her lesson.

Oh, For the Love of All Things Random, Just Keep Reading  ;)