Saving Zayn Malik

Ledge

Chapter Seventeen: Ledge

Zayn's POV

The city looked beautiful from up there. That's one thing I regretted. I never took the time to look at my surroundings and take in just how beautiful they were. London is always made out to be a big, bustling town filled with annoying businessman and nothing else. But it's actually amazing here. And I'm somewhat sad that I'll be leaving it soon. But I can't change it. At some point in my life, I guess I just gave up. It became inevitable that my life would end in suicide. And here I am. I am standing atop some obscure office building. The wind is howling around me, and I feel like crying just a little bit. I wish I hadn't just run out. I wish I had really said goodbye to Niall.

Damn, Niall. He is so perfect. And he was so close to fixing me. He was so damn close. Niall...I can't describe it. I can't tell you what Niall means to me because words can't describe all that he has done for me. All that he has given me. Niall was so much. And I hate to do this to him. But he'll move on. They always move on. He'll go off to uni. He'll meet some nice boy or girl and they'll buy a flat together and have some kids. Niall deserves a life like that. Niall deserves perfect.

I've been sitting here with my legs draped over the side for nearly ten minutes. It's time to get a move on. I dug around in my pockets and pulled out my cell phone, and began to type.

Hello, you guys. I'm sorry for this. Well, no, I'm not sorry for doing this, but I'm sorry for hurting you in the process. You are all amazing people who deserve so much, and I love you.

Bridget, Civia, and Lane. I feel like I should have gotten closer to you. I had the chance and I didn't. I wish I had. But then again, I wish I had done a lot of things. Will you promise to hold Niall up for me? I know you can do it. And he's gonna need somebody.

Louis and Harry. You two were the most obnoxiously in love couple I've ever come across. And it was beautiful. I always wished for a love like yours. But anyway, Louis. You were...something else. You were so out there all the time. And it was amazing. Harry, you liked to pretend you were saner than the rest of us, but we know you aren't.

Josh. Okay, so we didn't get along. Ever. We fought all the time, we disagreed all the time, but all the same I loved you. You offered me a place to live when I was in one of the worst situations of my life. Thank you.

And Niall. Dammit, Niall. Why did you have to come along and make me love you? You and your stupid fake blond hair. Your stupid blue eyes. That stupid way you made me fall for you. I want to hate you for it. Because I came knowing that love was no good. And that it would only screw me over in the end. But I let myself fall for you. And now I'm leaving you. I'm sorry. I know that you thought that I was getting better, and yeah, so did I. But I'm not better. And I'm never going to be. I'm sorry, Niall. You know I love you, but every time I turn around there's another demon from past set to hurt me again. And I just can't, Ni. I love you. And goodbye.

I clicked done and set my phone down next to me. I shakily stood up on the ledge, careful not to stumble. I didn't come this far to die by accident. I'm gonna do this. I looked down at the ground. It's so far below. I can't help but be afraid. Is it gonna hurt for a long time? I don't know about this. I don't know how it's going to feel. I don't know how long it will be until I die. I pressed those thoughts to the back of my mind. No going back now. I stepped forward with one foot. Here I go.

"Zayn?!"