Survivor's Guilt (A Jay McGuiness fanfiction)

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Jay tried to sleep during the car journey to the radio station, but for most of it he found himself pretending instead. Ebony shushed everyone when she noticed him, sitting in the corner with his hood up, eyes closed and his forehead pressed against the cool glass of the window. She couldn’t help but be worried about him-there was just something off about him since he’d gotten up that she couldn’t put her finger on. She thought about saying something to the others, but she got the impression that they were used to it, so she kept her concerns to herself with the intention of keeping an eye on Jay for a little while. Instead, she spent the journey trying, and failing, to teach Max, Siva, Tom and Nathan some Russian, though none of them were particularly good at it.

Tom was right about the radio station not being too far, and soon they were pulling up. Well, pulling up was a loose way to describe it, because it was more like trying to part fog to get through the crowds of girls blocking their path. Nothing could have prepared Ebony for the screaming that ensued with the door to the van was pulled back. She’d been to plenty of concerts herself, but never had she been so immersed in noise. Martin quickly explained to Ebony what she needed to do; she’d be let out of the car first, and she and Kev would form the pathway to the door, and Kev would come back for the boys.

“Right,” Ebony laughed, seemingly unfazed by her role as a human battering ram “See you on the other side kids.”

“Be careful.” Jay warned before he could stop himself, still feeling the uncomfortable sensation in his gut that had plagued him all morning without him really understanding what it was. He knew how grabby the fans could get sometimes, and it could be overwhelming if you weren’t used to it. Ebony simply shot him a smile, as if she understood, and opened the door, letting herself get swallowed up by the crowd.

It seemed to take forever for Kev to come back to the van, and they knew that the crowd must be particularly uncooperative today. It did nothing but make Jay more irrationally anxious, and he started to struggle to hide it from the other boys. They wouldn’t understand, even if Jay understood well enough himself to attempt to make them. It distracted him so much that he couldn’t pay attention while Kev spoke to them, and he found himself simply following the others out of the van, and without any warning, he was enveloped in screaming.

Jay dragged open heavy eyelids and tried to cough some of the invading dust from his lungs, but his chest felt tight and constricted, sending undiluted fear coursing through his veins. Even with his eyes fully open, he couldn’t see a lot, and that freaked him out more than he liked to admit. It took a second for Jay to piece together what had happened, and even then, it didn’t make much sense. One minute he’d been sitting and talking, and the next...well, he didn’t actually know what. Pins and needles erupted in his fingertips, and when Jay tried to move them, he almost immediately hit something. No matter what direction he tried to reach, he found that he was encased, totally trapped. His heart hammered painfully in his chest as a wave of nausea hit him with the terrifying realisation. His hands shook as he bunched his fingers into fists, beating desperately on whatever he could in an attempt to get free, though it only brought more debris raining down on him. The more Jay fought to free himself, the more he felt like he was being pinched and prodded, held down from every direction, suffocating him...

When Jay snapped back into reality, the pinching and grabbing didn’t stop. Instead of the wreckage from the train, it came from screaming fans that surrounded him, invading his space bubble with shocking ferocity.  It was something that Jay was fully used to, but for whatever reason, today it felt different, and the only thing Jay could think of was get out. Now. Without hesitating, Jay pulled himself away from the hands that grabbed at him, fingers that snatched desperately at his skin, and pushed through the crowd. He was aware of people calling his name, but Jay could only hear his blood rushing around in his ears and his heart thumping against his rib cage. He could feel the cold, clammy sweat pouring down his back as he all but flew up the steps to the building and through the doors. His pulse quickened as he ran down corridors, just about dodging people. His stomach churned uncomfortably, and he had to wonder how long his legs could hold him up, because they didn’t feel much stronger than paper. It was lucky that they’d visited this particular radio station before, so he knew exactly where their greenroom was, and it felt like an eternity before he was crashing through the door.