The Girl In The Black Hoodie

Chapter 5

Jace's Bar

There were too many freaking bars in this town! How could I find Jace's? I looked everywhere, every light was hope. Every laughter and noise was hope.

But it seems like hope isn't what I need. I was always logical, following my heart and having faith in something wasn't what I usually did. And now, I "followed my heart" to come to this awful town because I had faith in myself.

This is just getting weirder and weirder.

I wasn't the girl I knew anymore, I wasn't the original and different Anya that I used to like... this "Anya" - if I can give her my name - it's odd... it's different, and being different from a different person is normal.

Normal. Ordinary. Regular. Standard. Average.

I hated these words more than I hated Abba. And believe me, that's real hate.

What's the real meaning of normal? I think "normal" is too many knowledge, and lack of imagination combined, it's getting up in the morning thinking "another day" instead of "I will change the world today." That's what bothers me the most, normal people might have dreams but they never think that is possible to accomplish them.

Damn.... now I don't know if I'm normal or not, and I'm thinking too much.

I looked at my watch, it was 3 AM, in two hours the sun would shine, light would be restored and darkness would go away. Everything would change, besides me.

I was looking for a place I don't know if existed, at 3 AM in the morning and I was dumb enough not to read if the event was today or in a week. As you can see, I'm a genius.

Now I wanted to know where that guy how thought that I was a slut... I mean, a "role model" was. I needed a person, someone. It could be him, the bartender that gave me water, Will...

I'm so gullible. I really thought I could come here and rap battle? Who am I B-Rabbit? (AN Eminem's character in 8-Mile).

It's sad that you can have dreams, hopes. If there were neither dreams nor hopes, people wouldn't make stupid decisions and regret them. If destiny's already wrote, why should we dream?

I would love to think that our life isn't written, but I can't, every decision that we make, everything that we do, we do it with a reason... what reason? Why am I walking right now? If I stop will it change my life? No, because I didn't stop, maybe that was already written, maybe I knew I wouldn't stop. And regretting your decisions, thinking "What if I did..." there is no "what if" because you did it, and you did it for a reason. What reason? I don't know. It's sad that I can't think that we can change our life, but as I said, I don't think with my heart.

Music, how I needed music right now! Music saves lives, music is how you know other people feel the same as you do, how you can go into another world where you aren't just... "another brick in the wall" because that wall wouldn't stand up without you. Where you know "that you are not alone, and you'll brave that storm" because you are strong enough. Where you can "Welcome people into your life", because there are people who feel just like you.

A drop of cold water hit my nose, cold but warm in a weird way, then another one, and another one.

Rain.

It was raining.

When people say "Is there anything else that could go wrong?" And it starts to rain, in the movies, it's stupid. Rain is magical, it's beautiful. Rain is tears from the sky.... of happiness? Sadness? I don't know, but it's beautiful. It washes you away as you laugh and dance in the rain while it falls down your body.... tears from the sky that you are down there to catch.

So that's what I did, I took off my hood and ran, I sang and danced while the rain fell down my shoulders. My wet hair slide down my back and I opened my arms to reach out for that water that made me laugh, that made me smile, that made me cry.

And I started to cry, tears fell down my cheeks but I couldn't tell which ones were rain which ones were tears.

My feet moved like I learned in ballet when I was younger, and I started to spin and move my arms... everything was so beautiful, the night, the sky, the rain, the dance... and I started to mumble a soft melody, that my sister and I used to sing:

"I wish that I could smile

Even if just for a while

To be like you

Walking with your head up high

Having your hopes that never die

those eyes that never lie

having those happy tears

those that last for years

To be able to see the beauty in everything

Like you do

That right now

I can only see in you"

The colors, the shapes, the beauty that one single thing can have just by existing. The sounds, the melodies, to be able to listen to something that might change your life. The smells, the smell of fruit, sea, a new book... this world is just freaking unbelievable.

And I didn't cry because I felt like the person who was singing that song, I cried because my head is up high, my hopes didn't die, my tears are happy and everything is beautiful, everything is wonderful... This world might be mad, but I just don't want to give a fuck about anything right now. Just now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hi!

So Anya's happy! I love happy chapters!

btw, that final music was written by me as you all probably know....

I'm sorry it's taking me a while to publish, but I don't have a lot of time! Just enjoy happy Anya, she deserves it! :) Oh and if this chapter has any mistakes, please let me know, I'm writing this before going to Green Day's concert and I don't have time to review it.... sorry....

btw, for those who didn't understand, that paragraph where I talked about music:

Another Brick In The Wall - Pink Floyd

Carolyn - Black Veil Brides

Welcome to My Life - Simple Plan

(Yeah I know, very different songs...)

dedicated to one of my favorite writers!!!

Well, with this I say goodbye!

:)

Annie