My Horrible Ex-Husband

Chapter Thirteen: A Second Most Horrible Therapy Session

I opened the couple’s therapy book, skimming through the pages, while Eli was at work. A lot of the techniques seemed like complete and utter bullshit to me. It talked about how partners may be afraid of commitment and to lower expectations. I wasn’t going to lower my expectations – I was going to keep them at a high. Eli needed something to reach for. It also talked about complimenting your partner every time they do something well. What was this kindergarten?

Our homework for the week was to write down something your partner did that you appreciated, and then next to it write down a reward. It was fucking classical conditioning relationship style. You ring the bell, and then give the dog the treat, so every time the bell rings, they’ll be expecting the treat. This was ridiculous.

“What are you reading?” Eli asked appearing at the doorway of my bedroom. I quickly slid the book underneath my pillow, hiding it.

“None of your business,” I huffed as he clutched a bag in his hand. “What’s that?”

“Just a gift for my sweetheart,” Eli smiled placing it on top of my bed. I rolled my eyes. He’s such a suck-up. I pulled it towards me, glancing inside. Looks like he was a tasteful suck-up – I grinned as I pulled out the shirts he had bought me.

“Oh this is nice,” I grinned as Eli sat down beside me.

“I thought you’d like it,” Eli said brushing his shoulders off. “I know you so well. There are boxers in there too.”

“Thanks,” I said sweetly. “I actually mean that.”

“I know,” Eli winked kissing me on the cheek. “You’re welcome.”

“You better not be doing this because of the therapy homework,” I retorted. I had a sneaking suspicion that’s what he was doing it for. Eli shook his head, taken aback that I would even suggest that.

“You deserve this,” Eli replied. “It’s a thank you for letting me stay here so long.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” I replied. “You could just pay my rent for the next month.”

“You’re cute, Caleb,” Eli chuckled as he walked out of my bedroom. “Oh and chapter eleven is very useful. You might want read that one.”

Curse him! He saw that I was reading that book. Damn him! Damn him! I got up quickly closing my bedroom door shut, as I pulled the book out and my scrap sheet paper for my therapy homework. I quickly scribbled down that I like when Eli buys me gifts spontaneously and wrote his reward down for that would be an affectionate hug. Nah – Not even a hug – A handshake.

I flipped to chapter eleven and glanced at the heading, compromise. He had some nerve. What was he trying to say? That I’m bad at compromising. I’m pretty damn good at it. He’s the one who can’t compromise. This was about the bed thing, wasn’t it? I don’t care what he said or did. He wasn’t sleeping in my bed with me. I didn’t trust him.

That week, Eli and I went back to therapy for our second session with Dr. Reed. Hopefully, we wouldn’t argue this time, but knowing Eli, he’d probably say something that would piss me off like usual.

“Dr. Reeds,” I said politely sitting down. She nodded, her clipboard already in her hand, as Eli sat.

“So before we share your homework, I wanted to get your thoughts on the assignment,” Dr. Reed began. “Did you make an realizations? Come to any conclusions?”

“Well Dr. Reed, I personally, found this helpful,” Eli started like usual. “I never really stopped to look at the little things that Caleb does that I appreciate.”