My Horrible Ex-Husband

Chapter Four: The Most Horrible Memories

It’s funny because I was so excited for this vacation. I mean I hadn’t had a vacation in like forever. All I kept thinking was how great of a tan I would have by the end of this break. But I couldn’t help but reminisce on the past as soon as we got there. Curse my fucking brain! I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time Eli and I were at his parent’s beach house. Let’s just say those were happier days. We were inseparable then.

Michelle and Michael ran out of the car like children as soon as Eli parked the car in the driveway. They hadn’t even grabbed their bags.

“Good idea coming here,” Eli said patting me on the shoulder. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my bags from the back of the car. Eli grabbed his as we walked into the house.

It was just the same as the last time we were there. All the furniture was the same, the paintings on the wall, the weird Egyptian statues that his fucking hippie ass mother was into – it was all there, just as we had left it.

“So many good memories here,” Eli said aloud. “God, I had so much sex in this house.”

“You’re disgusting,” I groaned, as I dropped my bags onto the ground.

“What are you talking about? I was talking about us,” he chuckled.

“No, you weren’t,” I retorted, as the kids strolled back into the house. Eli winked at me deviously. All I kept thinking was pervert. But I can admit that he and I had great times here. I pushed that out of my mind as I carried my bags upstairs into the hallway. I had forgotten that there were only three bedrooms.

“So,” I said clearing my throat as Eli placed his things down in the hallway. “There are only three bedrooms.”

“Oh,” he said casually. “Well, I guess Caleb that you’re going to have to sleep on the couch.”

“Eli,” I said narrowing my eyes at him. I was not sleeping on a damn couch. I’m the guest here, if anything I should be on a bed. He should be on the couch. He’s gotten a lot of experience sleeping on couches anyways.

“I’m kidding, Caleb, there is a bed in the basement,” he said rolling his eyes at me. “Along with a half bathroom. Unlike you I actually care about my guests.”

“That’s more like it,” I nodded.

“Can I have the basement?” Michael said jumping into our conversation. “Please?”

“Sure,” I shrugged. “I mean if you really want it.”

“Awesome,” Michael said rushing down the stairs.

“You are not taking the basement?” Eli said raising an eyebrow. “Aw - you want to be close to me, don’t you?”

“You wish,” I said dragging my suitcase to claim my bedroom. Next to Eli is the last place I want to be. I was just hoping that I could sit on the beach, drink a margarita, get a tan and maybe see some half-naked men. That would be the best part. This was as much of a vacation for my kids as it was for me. I wanted to reap on its benefits.

I dropped my suitcase on the bed, as I glanced out the window. I had picked the room with the best view. I could see the ocean and I had a balcony. The only off-side to the balcony was that it was also connected to the room beside me, which was occupied by none other than my stupid ex-husband. Of course, he would pick the bedroom next to mine.

I sucked my teeth as I caught sight of him standing out on the balcony. He had his arms outstretched, mocking Leonardo DiCaprio’s pose from Titanic. He turned and glanced at me, through the sliding door. I took the opportunity to close my shades on him.