Anything for You

Fifteen

15| The Man Who Have My Heart

"You never take me seriously" he said in a flat tone. It's his answer to my question, why he went to Singapore three years ago. I thought he's just kidding then.

I feel like breaking down but I chose to smirk. I'm getting better and better at this. At pretending I am fine even I'm really breaking apart.

Hindi siya nanunumbat. Hindi ko alam kung mas mainam ba 'yon o mas magugustuhan ko kung bitter siya. It only means kasi na wala na talaga. Wala na talaga sa kanya ang nakaraan. He's over me. And I am not. I am still stuck at our memories. Me and him.

"Because things will be lighter that way. The less you take things seriously, the less you will expect. The less you expect, the less you'll get disappointed." I said in a cheerful tone.

That's my principle. But since he's been gone, everything will be disappointing. My life became dull and pointless.

I am living at the past but I need that. Part of me still believes that we'll still end up together.

I am not a faithful person, but I am now holding on and believing in destiny. I am patiently waiting for the twist of faith that someday, I'll have him again. I am waiting in vain that someday, I'll have him in my arms again.

His lively chuckle made me look at him. He's so handsome. And he makes my heart beat crazily. It's uncomforting and comforting at the same time. I love having him close, even he made my heart leap in so much joy and pain.

"Still the same old b-itch I knew" he smiled at me "Years didn't change you that much"

You're right, Nexiel. Nothing changed me. If there is, I just love you more. And I became a pathetic b-itch regretting things that happened.

"Unlike how it changed you" I can't help but feel sad. How can I have him back? He looks fine without me. "Everything about you changed, Nexiel"

"And I know it's for the better" he smiled at me. My heart melts at his gentle smile. My tears are threatening to fall any moment. "Ysabella made a better version of me"

The mention of her name made my heart hurt even more. When will he stop hurting me?

"Ysabella?" it slipped in my mouth. I felt acid on my throat.

I uncomfortable shifted on my seat until I am fully facing him. Maybe this is what I need. I have to feel the pain until I can't feel no more. I have to be hurt until it'll feel numb. I have to be numb until I forget how pains feel like.

Maybe if I forget how painful it is, I'll be able to move on.

For years, I'm not thinking of moving on. But now, it dawned on me. Upon seeing how his eyes sparkled with thoughts of her, it made me realized that there's nothing more to hope for. It's a dead end. Game over.

"Ysabella is my girlfriend for almost two years. She's sweet and adorable" he said in a proud tone. He even showed me her picture in his phone. She's the same girl I saw in his house.

"She's everything I'm not" I said in a teasing tone.

I never thought I can be this good as an actress. Maybe years of pretending made me like this.

"Can you tell me about her? How did you met?" I asked.

Yes. I'm a masochist.

He told me their story. Every words ripped my heart. If I didn't push him away, they won't meet each other. If I became courageous enough, maybe he's still mine. I know there's no use in regretting things, but I can't do anything about it.