Abeyance

Chapter 2. Kalen.

Chapter 2. Kalen.

One more day. That's what I keep telling myself. This is just one more day closer to my freedom. My friends are gone, my home is gone, and my family is gone. Well, they might as well be. I just need to hold on a little bit longer and hold my head above water for a few more years until I can actually make something of my non-existent life. Though, it's basically pointless to hope for a change that won't ever come. That is the definition of insanity, right? Repeating the same mistakes over and over, each time expecting a different outcome?

Shaking my dark, mop-like hair from my face and gathering up my heavy stack of textbooks, I stood up and walked out of the dark hole that is my bedroom. I haven't bothered to unpack the dusty boxes that cluttered up the small living space in the last six months since we've moved in. It's very clear that I don't belong here. I know it, the kids at school know it, and even my own mother knows it.

I sighed and put my books in my bag, making my way to the living room about five paces down the hall. I stopped momentarily, placing my hand on the dirty wall and closing my eyes, feeling as if the world was caving in. I felt like I was choking on the air I was breathing. My book bag dropped from my hands and crashed to the ground with nothing more than a dull thud. This wasn't normal, I knew, but it was happening so frequently lately that I was really starting to think of these episodes that way. They were the only thing in my life that I could actually regularly count on, sadly enough.

I felt around for my things, trying to break out of the spell I was under. As I hitched my forearm underneath the straps of my book bag the world started to become less hazy. I pinched the bridge of my nose and reopened my eyes, clearing my throat. As I did this, I began panting heavily, like someone who had just completed a five mile jog. Beads of sweat ran down my face, but I barely noticed as I wiped them away haphazardly with my sleeve.

I managed to momentarily find my voice and began to force my feet to move. "Mom?" I spluttered, finding it much harder than it should be to make sound come out.

I cleared my throat again, more forcefully this time around. "Mom?" I searched the small apartment for my mother's tiny, withering frame. No such luck. "Are you awake yet? Mom?" I peeked into her bedroom, which smelt of a perfect mixture of smoke and vodka.

"Oh, my God," I hissed, plugging my nose and stumbling backwards, leaving the door wide open to let in the sunlight. Lord knows she needed it. I honestly wasn't sure if last night she fell asleep or fell unconscious-not that there's a difference in her book. I took another look inside as she began to stir.

"What do you want?" She hissed, using the tone of a severely hung-over person in dire need of sedatives.

"I'm just letting you know that I'm leaving."

"Do you want a freaking parade? Fucking hell, Kalen. Go! And shut the damn door!" she half grumbled, half yelled as she thrust the sheets back over her head. I slammed the door loudly and stalked to the doorway, slamming that one, too.

"One more day; this is only one more day," I repeated to myself, as if it would help anything.

Well, hating everything about this life won't get me anywhere, that I knew for certain. I won't turn into my father. I won't. I don't care when I get to see him again or how hard he tries to contact me-if that ever even happens-after he's served his time. As soon as I graduate and get my scholarships I'm out of this place and leaving my old self behind.

God, it's hot out here, I thought idly while pulling at the sleeves of my jacket. What possessed me to wear jeans today of all days? It's not even eight o'clock and this day's already turning into my own personal hell. I rummaged through my book bag absently and grabbed a fistful of Advil, popping three in my mouth and swallowing them dryly. I grimaced uneasily, but forced them down nonetheless. Hopefully I can make it through this day in one piece. I don't even want to think about what they have in store for me today. I just need to put the negative thoughts out of my mind. Maybe it'll be easier, and get better, somehow.

Yeah? I thought as I continued walking, but then the nicknames all came flooding into my brain.

"Geek."

"Weirdo."

"Loser."

I hung my head and perservered, trying to push the nagging thoughts from my mind. I had to because, honestly, I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't.

Taking a minute to look around, it seemed as though nobody was out today. The atmosphere appeared very dull and lifeless. And yet, the scenery was so enhanced. Colorful. Loud. Fast, but slow. Damn. That makes no sense at all, now does it? I think I hit my head or something last night and gave myself a mild concussion.

I put my face in my hands and kept walking, increasing my pace drastically if I wanted to get to school on time today. If nothing else, that's what I prided myself on. I cannot be late, I cannot make grades lower than B's and I cannot skip school. I go to school, come home, do my homework, avoid my mom, sleep, repeat. That was my routine. It's good, it's safe, it's smart, just like I am, and it's just what colleges are looking for. I can't afford to be anything else.

The part of town I lived in was actually very nice. Very small. There was one coffee shop downtown, one fire station, an ice cream shop and a bookstore. Everything was within walking distance. I've probably passed all of it a million times on my way to school this year, but I've never stopped in to any of the little shops. I don't want to get used to anything, because I definitely don't plan to stick around.

Neighborhood people are friendly and always say "Hi" each time I pass, even if they know I'll only answer back with a half-smile and head nod, sometimes mixing it up with a hand wave. It's not that I'm so completely unfriendly, I'm just not that great with people. I'd much rather just keep to myself most of the time, I find it almost peaceful. My life is hectic enough, so I'd say I think I deserve at least that.

I paused once I turned the corner, enjoying the comforting breeze that seemed to come out of nowhere. I looked up in time to see that I just barely missed running into someone; a girl, more specifically. I froze as her wide blue eyes stared questioningly into my own. I've seen her before, somewhere. She looked scared, possibly because she was reading my own scared-completely-out-of-my-mind-shitless expression. All I could see was the girl's fiery red hair and the bright lights behind her, coming at us at full speed.

"Oh, my God..." I didn't know what to do, what to say, or how to react. Time just seemed to stop as I dove for the girl and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, throwing us both down and, hopefully, out of harm's way.

The ground was so cold, or maybe that was just me. I couldn't feel the girl in my arms, so I assumed she was safe. Thank God. We made it out alive. I didn't think I could move, so I just waited and kept my eyes closed. Everything was dark and cold. I knew that it was important to stay still and remain calm. I let the darkness spread over me and allowed the coldness to invade my veins as I went to sleep, waiting for this to all blow over.

Because it has to.

Right?