Cracking Zeenath

To Noel: Searching For A Sweet Surrender

That's a picture of Zeenath up there. 
Feel free to imagine her anyway you'd like, though. This is just what I thought she'd look like.
Also, I casually forgot to mention, that was Luke's picture in the last chapter. Go visit him, if you're curious. :)

Dear Noel,

      Hey, you know what I found a while ago? I was walking from the park yesterday and stopped by this little flower shop on my way back. I'd spotted a flash of purple in the window as I'd walked by, and I turned to look at it. It was an arrangement of different flowers of varying shades, from the lightest hint of lavender to the dark, rich, royal shades of deep purple. Beautiful, really.

       I opened the door and entered. The little bell gave a small tingle as I walked in. I didn't have any money with me but I was looking for something. The person behind the counter greeted me with a smile, and I gave a slight one in return, nodding my head. My eyes were already searching around the store. I trailed my fingers along the edge of the counter as I walked, looking closely at all the different flower arrangements they had out on display around the little flower shop. It wasn't big, but then, I'd never been in a flower shop before so I didn't know what to expect anyway. I didn't have anything to compare it to. They had a counter running around the entire room with numerous different flower displays put in vases on top of it while still others were put on display on the shelves on the wall.

       I heard the lady at the front desk talking with one of the other customers, their voices low murmurs as money exchanged hands and the rustle of paper and plastic followed. The doorbell made another small tingle as someone else came inside the store. I trailed my index finger over the edge of the counter as I looked at all the different patterns. There were so many colors and arrangements it was almost overwhelming.

      Flower arrangements that looked like sunshine, rain, and summer. Tiger lilies that looked like autumn leaves. Hydrangeas that looked like spring mornings. Forget-Me-Nots that looked like evening goodbyes. My eyes fell on one arrangement that burned the color of Evelyn's hair. I turned away and walked towards the other side of the shop. Then I found it.

I felt my mouth tugging into a smile as I glided my fingertips over the petals. Purple hyacinths. You.

       These were the flowers you gave me when I was four. These were the flowers your mother grew in her garden when we were little. The ones you continued to give me until your mom found out and stopped planting them all-together because you'd always be the one to pick them. I remember how she'd get really frustrated with you every time. Every time, Noel. You just couldn't keep your hands out of her garden until she stopped planting flowers and grew vegetables instead. Then you never stepped back into the garden. Except to get a tomato to eat, raw. Once. Said it tasted horrible.

I fingered the edge of one of the petals and tilted my head, smiling at the memories of you.

"May I help you?"

I looked up to see the lady standing on the other side of the counter, watching me with a kind smile on her face. "Hmm?" I blinked. "Uh..no thanks, ma'am. I'm fine." I shook my head and smiled back.

She pushed herself away from the counter and started walking back to the front.

"Well, if you need anything, I'll be here honey." She gave me one last smile before turning around.

       I stared after her. I was probably taking up space here. I didn't have any money anyway, so I'd better leave. I hurried out of the store and down the street, the little bell tinkling one last time behind me, saying goodbye. I didn't think about it again and fell asleep.

       When I woke up this morning, I dragged myself to the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes with the heels of my hands. I was standing barefoot on the cool tile floor, my T-shirt skewed to the side and wrinkled, the cuffs of my pants under my heels. I shivered. It was getting cooler.

My heart stopped when I turned around.

Someone had left a bouquet of purple hyacinths on the dining table. The purple of the petals were beautifully outlined by the golden morning sunlight as the bouquet lay on its side on the table.

       I stared at it and ran my fingers through my hair, messing up my braid even more, making the strands fall in my eyes when I put my hand down. I tilted my head to the side as I kept my eyes trained on the bouquet. There was a tug in my chest, and everything went sort of blurry as a wall of water balanced on the edge of my vision.

It was like you were here all over again.

You know what purple hyacinths stand for?

Sincerity.

Forgiveness.

      You give it to someone when you're asking for forgiveness. I felt the edge of my mouth turn upwards into a smile and I bit my lip, still frozen, watching the bouquet of flowers on the table. I slowly walked over to the table and picked it up. The petals were spread out and looked like some kind of six-pointed star, smooth and soft to the touch.

"Someone left those at the door this morning. Had your name on it."

I turned around to see Clara walking back out of her bedroom. She grinned at me. "Who're you seeing?"

I frowned at her. "Nobody."

"Yeah, right," She rolled her eyes. "And nobody sent you flowers."

I laughed. "I'm really not seeing anyone. I don't even know anyone who likes me like that."

She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Really." I looked at her, trying to show her that I wasn't fooling around.

She just bit her lip, smiling. "Okay, whatever you say."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. "Whatever, Clara. I'm not lying."

"Well, at least take them now. The poor guy went through all that trouble..." She shook her head.

      I walked back into the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards until I found a vase big enough to fit the bouquet. It was a glass pitcher for water really, but it was the best I had on a college student's budget. Especially for someone who didn't even have a job and got all her money from her parent's bank account. I filled it with water from the kitchen sink and set it on the table, putting the bouquet inside it. But not before picking a single flower off and slipping it into my pocket.

      When I went for my run that day, I sat under the tree and picked the petals off one at a time, watching them float to the ground and get dragged away by the wind, tossing and turning in the air until they became lost in the bushes. I watched them disappear one at a time until I was left with only the center of the flower in my hands. I lifted my arm and flicked it into the bushes and it disappeared, just like the petals. Just like me.

      I miss you Noel. I wish I could come back and forget this whole thing. I miss everyone but I've been thinking about you the most these days. I miss your laugh, and the way you'd put your hands behind your head when you were thinking. The way you'd call me your little sister and tease me until I wanted to hit you. The way your eyes would dance and your lips would turn up in a crooked smile when you had an idea. I miss you, Noel.

      I want you to come back and take me away. That's where I want to go. Away. I don't care how far away that is, as long as we can go back to the way we were and you'd mess up my hair just for the heck of it.

      I want to be five again, when you'd give me piggyback rides around the house until we both fell down on the couch. I want to rest my cheek against your shoulder like I did whenever I got too tired. I want to raise my hands to the sky and count to five, knowing that was the number for all of us. Five. Five, like the fingers on my hands.

I'm sick of running, Noel.

Brother, take me home.

~Love, Zeenath.

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As always, comment/vote if you liked the chapter! 

~October