Song of Hope

Song of Hope - Chapter 9

Chapter 9


The traffic Austin was fighting on New Year’s Day in hopes of getting home some time by the end of the decade was not as bad as the turmoil going on between his head and his heart. Not to mention that Lacey would not give up! Every few miles she talked about Sydney. “Daddy, Miz Sisnee is pretty,” and “Daddy, Miz Sisnee is nice,” and the clincher, “Daddy, when will Miz Sisnee be my Mommy?” When that question was uttered ten minutes ago by Lacey, Austin felt the unshed tears burning his throat.

He simply replied, “Lacey, you have a Mommy in heaven.” Feeling all the betrayal of his young daughter wanting a new mother just confirmed that he did the right thing walking away from Sydney.

“But I want Miz Sisnee to be my Mommy.”

Austin felt a single tear slide out of his eye. “Lacey, Miss Sydney can’t be your Mommy.”

“Why?”

“Because Miss Sydney is mad at Daddy right now.”

“Why?”

“Because Daddy hurt her feelings.”

“Say you sorwee Daddy.”

“I can’t baby.”

Wanting to change the subject, Austin told Lacey they would arrive home tonight and can go by and see Mawmaw and Poppie. Getting excited about seen her grandparents, Lacey forgot all the questions about Sydney. Austin breathed a sigh of relief.


******

Austin sat bundled in his winter coat in front of Sonya’s grave. Instead of going to lunch with Tucker, he said he had things to do and came to the cemetery. That was three hours ago. He had returned home the night before and really needed to spend time with Sonya. Time to explain things and hopefully he would understand his decision to walk away from Sydney a little better than he did right now. He knew it was the right thing to do, but his heart still ached to hold her, to love her, to be with her. “I’m sorry I betrayed you. I do love you and nothing will ever come between our love. I made sure of that. Sydney never wants to see me again.”

Tears flowed unchecked down Austin’s face. Time did not matter. The cold wind did not matter. All that mattered was... all that mattered was... right now he wasn’t even sure what mattered. He couldn’t even figure out if he was hurting because he betrayed Sonya? or because he broke Sydney’s heart? not to mention breaking his own!

Austin dropped to his knees on the cold ground, “God, if you are there. If you are who Sydney says you are, I need to know I did the right thing. I need to feel peace. Not just for me, but for Lacey too.”

He waited, and waited, and waited. Finally he felt a soft breeze. Was that God? Was he telling him he did the right thing? Was that the sign he had prayed for? Or was this just the wind, a breeze that meant nothing but the wind was moving?

Now he was more confused than ever.

******

Austin was having a terrible day. Nothing had gone right since he returned home a week and a half ago. It seemed like today was the day that everything that had been building up over the past few days finally exploded.

It began this morning when the hot water heater broke, forcing Austin to take a cold shower. Which was probably a good thing considering he had dreamed of Sydney the night before, like he had done for the past few months.

In his dream, they were horseback riding through a field of wild flowers. He could see her blonde hair waving in the wind, she was the most stunning sight he had ever seen. Just as he was about to wake up, she smiled at him and then began to fade away and was gone.

After getting dressed and heading to his car, he found he had a flat tire. Spending a few minutes trying to change it with a three year old telling him what to do, was pretty difficult to handle. Twenty minutes later, he was dropping off Lacey with Emma Sue and heading to the garage to get his tire fixed.

Arriving at the office an hour late, Austin is hit with the news that the computer system was down and trucks were stranded not knowing where to go next.

“Lord, can this day get any worse?” Austin asked himself as he worked to resolve the problem that became one problem on another problem and then another problem. It wasn’t just a bug in the system, it was an entire nest of hornets!

Austin was finally starting to get a handle on things when Tucker came into his office. Sitting down in a chair, not being one to beat around the bush, Tucker asked, “Who’s Miz Sisnee?”

In answer to his question an hour earlier, Austin thought, “Yeah, it just did get worse.”

It wasn’t like Austin was trying to hide anything from Sonya’s parents. He just did not feel like he needed to tell them about Sydney because he wasn’t going to allow anything to happen. He would never replace their daughter in his life or in his heart.

“She is someone I met in Atlanta, and we were friends,” Austin said with with a sigh.

“Were? What does that mean?” Tucker asked. He was not mad or agitated, just curious Austin read his face and saw concern and heartbreak. What Austin could not figure out was if this heartbreak was over his loss of Sonya or because he thought his son-in-law was trying to replace his daughter.

Taking a deep breath, Austin said, “She wanted more and I was unable to give it to her.” He looked away not wanting to look Tucker in the face.

“Did you care for her?” Tucker asked. When Austin looked at him Tucker had an eyebrow raised and a small smile on his face.

How much could he tell the man he had grown to love as a second father? Would he understand that Sonya would never be replaced, no matter how he felt?

“I was becoming very attached to her. But, I have Lacey and Sonya to consider.”

“Sonya?”

Austin could feel the air in the room get very heavy. Suddenly he felt like he was in a steam bath and began to wonder why it was so warm in his office while January snow was covering the ground outside.

“Yes, I love Sonya very much. She will always be my true love. I would never do anything to replace her in my heart or in Lacey’s life. No matter how I may feel about someone else. I couldn’t do that to her.”

“Poppycock!”

“What?”

“You heard me! I said Poppycock!” Tucker stared at Austin until Austin thought he wasn’t going to say anything else and then suddenly the other shoe fell, “I thought you loved my daughter, and you disgrace her like this.”

“Sir? I do love Sonya.”

Tucker stood and walked over to the large window and looked out at the snow covered field. After a few moments he said, “Yes, well you did while she was alive. And you cared for her when she was dying. We not only lost a daughter that day, but we lost a part of you as well. And the last few months, it was like we had you back. Then you come back from your parents and you are the same Austin that lost Sonya, only worse this time. I can see the depression hovering over you like a storm cloud.”

Tucker took a deep breath and continued, “Then Lacey talks about Miz Sisnee this and Miz Sisnee that. Tells us that she wants Miz Sisnee to be her Mommy.” Tucker looked at Austin, “I will tell you it did hurt at first, but then we realized that if you loved our daughter, and you truly loved being a husband to her, the only way to honor her would be to move on and love again. Give someone else the love that you gave to Sonya. And Lacey deserves more than a depressed father in her life. She deserves a happy home and son, there has not been a day of happiness in your home since Sonya died. And I will wager, there won’t be until you let her go.”

Austin didn’t know what to say, Tucker had just given him the green light not only to date, but to marry again. But, in his heart, he could not do that to Sonya, no matter how much he cared for Sydney.

“Do you love her?”

“Sonya, of course, I always will.”

“Son, I know you loved Sonya, I am talking about this Sydney person? Do you love her?”

“I believe I was starting to care for her deeply.” Tucker glared at him, “Yes, I believe I was falling in love with her.”

“And how did she feel about you?” Tucker asked as he sat back down in the chair across the desk from Austin.

“She told me she loved me and wanted more.” Austin sighed and threw his head in his hands, “But it is too late now.”

“Son, as long as there is hope it is never too late!”

“I wish that was the case. When I walked out on her, she told me if I left to never come back.”

Tucker grinned, “That just means you have to come back with gusto son! You just got to win her heart all over again.”

“Tuck, I never expected this to happen. You have to know that. No one can replace Sonya.”

“Son, I know that. But, sometimes when life gives you the unexpected, it is a gift from God.”

“God doesn’t give me gifts. He takes my gifts away. No, if Sydney takes me back, it will be because of love, not God.”

Tucker stood to leave and shook his head, he knew one day his son-in-law would need to deal with God, but today he had to work on getting Miz Sisnee back in his life. “No matter, you will never know unless you try to get her back.”


As soon as Tucker left his office, he knew he was right. He needed to try and win Sydney’s heart. How was he going to do that if she would not talk to him? He did the only thing he knew to do, he picked up the phone and dialed her number.