End Game

End Game - Chapter 10

Chapter 10

            I walked through the front door of the apartment, and before I could lock the door, Rayanne was in my face.

            “What the hell took you so long? What did that asshole Collin tell you?

            “First let me get in the door and then I will tell you what happened.” Rayanne stepped away from me and I turned to go towards the couch.

            “You’re pissed off at me because of Collin aren’t you?”

            “I am mad about that and a few other things. Why don’t I know a thing about Collin? I looked at her and all I said was, “Fearful.”

            “Shit, he told you that. Hannah I can explain that.”

            “That isn’t all Rayanne why did you tell him I was fat. I have been losing weight for over a year now. Last year, I was bigger than I am now, but I had lost weight. I have spent my whole life being defined by my weight and I always thought you saw past that. Guess not. The best way you can describe me is fat and fearful. I have nothing else going for me, and my best friend can’t find better words to describe me.”

            “No, Hannah, I know it seems that way but it wasn’t like that. I am such a bitch and now I have to tell you how much of one I am. I was jealous of you. I hated that you were losing weight. I always go to be the pretty one. You are smart and now you are pretty. I don’t mean that you weren’t pretty before, but it’s just with the extra weight you had I knew for sure I was the pretty one. Now, I am nothing compared to you. I hate that I feel that way. I hate that every time I see you wear one of my outfits I wish for you to put 10 lbs. back on. I hate myself Hannah. You have not had the easiest life and I am jealous of you. What does that say about me? I have a mom who loves me and tells me how wonderful I am, and I have a dad who is active in my life. Why am I like this? I should be happy that you are bettering yourself, and I am happy the jealousy is only like a little bit compared to how proud and happy I am for you. God, you have to hate me right now.”

            Sitting here looking at Rayanne is the first time I truly realized that everyone is fucked up and dealing with issues. Her being jealous doesn’t make me mad. It actually makes me see her as human and not perfect, but I can’t believe she is actually jealous of me!

            “Rayanne, I don’t hate you. The truth is I have spent most of my life envying you and being jealous of you. It actually makes me feel pretty good that I look good enough for you to be jealous of me,” I said laughing at her.

            Rayanne stands up and I can tell by her face that she doesn’t like my answer.

            “This isn’t funny Hannah. I love you like a sister, and I shouldn’t be jealous of you. I didn’t tell you about Collin because I knew you would want to meet him. I didn’t want you to meet him, because I was scared after he met you he would want you more than me.”