Handle With Care (EDITING)

ch.4 Serene

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."

"What's wrong with her? Does she have the flu?" asks Joan when she thinks I'm out of hearing range.

"No, she seems fine to me," my dad replies.

"Can't you see that something is wrong with her?" whispered Joan. "Maybe she's pregnant! Wouldn't surprise me one bit. I had a bad feeling about her from the moment she was born. I just knew she was going to be bad."

"Are you crazy? I've raised her better than that. She probably just had too much to drink." He speaks so casually that I begin to wonder if they're even talking about my health.

I heard him continue, "And you're really one to talk about what's good and bad. What kind of mother throws her kid out on the street like dirt then shows up to ask for money all the time?"

I hear Joan scoff and struggle to find words, mumbling something about how could I get alcohol at only nineteen?

"When you're done talking to Harley today, I don't want to see you again. You have yet to be a mother, so I would really appreciate it if you would stop being a mooch."

After ten years, I decided I was going to stand up to my mother today. Just when I had worked up the courage, my dad steps in and saves me from that catastrophe. He's saved me too many times to count, including from people at parties at three o'clock in the morning.

I walk out of the restroom and into the room they're standing in. "I'm sorry guys, I think I'm better now," I say, pretending I hadn't heard what they said.

"Well anyway, I came to say I won't be bothering you any more. I'm getting married," Joan admits. I wonder if that has anything to do with my dad telling her off?

"Who to?" asks my dad, probably thinking the same thing as I am.

"It doesn't matter." Her tone is snappy, obviously annoyed.

"Ok, bye. Dreadful seeing you again. Don't come back," I say trying to drop a hint. She leaves without another word, much to my pleasure.

EIGHT AND A HALF MONTHS INTO THE PREGNANCY

"Daddy, can I ask you something?" I say as I walk into his house. Somehow I had managed to disguise my stretched belly under a winter coat and sweats before leaving my apartment.

"Anything." He walks back into his office and I follow him, sitting in one of the comfortable chairs by his desk. They were put in his office when I was younger because if I didn't have a place to sit, I sat on his desk and got in the way. With the chairs, I had a place to be out of the way physically even if I annoyed him with my billions of questions and stories.

"Can I have some money?" I ask after a moment of silence. I don't usually ask, because I don't want anything from him besides his love and support.

"What for?" I wince inwardly at the worry in his voice, trying to hide the fact that I'm almost begging.

"I want to take a vacation to somewhere nice before I have to go back to school." It isn't completely a lie. I am leaving the country but not for that reason. "I've saved up most of my money, I just need a little bit more to cover other expenses."

"Of course, but why didn't you tell me sooner? In fact, why don't you just let me pay for the trip. When are you leaving?"

I want to say no and that I can pay for it myself, but with a baby on the way it's hard to manage and pay for doctor bills and other things. I'm too scared to tell my dad about the baby, especially after the encounter with my mother. I don't want him to be disappointed in me. "I'm leaving in a month."

He smiles half-heartedly. "Where do you plan to go?"

We talk like that for another hour, at least, before I tell him I have to go pick up Melody from work since her boyfriend took her in this morning after her car broke down.

"Alright Melody, I need to know if you're coming with me or not," I shout to her from my bedroom. I need to know if I have to get her a plane ticket.

"I can't go. I'm getting married, remember?"

"I'll be back before the wedding!" I try to assure her.

"I still have to plan everything. You're going to be my maid of honor, and I need your help too! What am I supposed to do without your help?"

"You could-"

Melody interrupts me when she walks in the room. "Don't you dare say I can consult Drake. He doesn't even know how to match his clothes. You can't actually expect him to be able to help me plan a wedding."

I giggle. "I suppose you're right, but you know I have things I need to do. You can call or text me if you need my opinion."

"Whatever. I can't believe you're totally ditching me on my wedding day." She turns to walk away. "Do you need anything from the store while I'm out?"

I list off a few cravings I'm having like cookie dough and, oddly, cucumbers. Can people actually crave cucumbers?

I finish cleaning my room and sit on the couch just when Melody walks in. She's carrying groceries on both arms. She closes the door with her foot and begins telling me some kind of story that I pay no attention to. I'm too busy trying to hide the pain I'm feeling.

"Skye? Are you ok?" She sees me and drops the bags on the ground to crouch in front of me and take my hand.

I shake my head rapidly. Somehow, she manages to rush me to the hospital. The whole way there she's a nervous wreck, driving too fast and being paranoid that I'm either going to give birth in her car or we're going to get pulled over. It would be so weird if that happened like in the movies where they get pulled over and the cop is like, "Oh! you're going to the hospital! I'll escort you then!"

Hospital staff rush around me and get me to a room where they run a few tests. The doctor comes and goes out of the room. When he walks back in he tells me this was a false alarm and that the baby isn't due for two weeks.

"The estimated due date is February 26th," he informs Melody and me.

The days went by quickly, then suddenly here I am in a while and blue hospital bed holding my baby girl. She's so small. Not too small, probably average baby length, but small enough for me to hold in one arm.

As I watch her sleep, I realize the hardest thing I'll ever do is over. The outcome was beautiful. She is beautiful. Everything about her. The way her eyelids flutter while she dreams. Her little hands, one holding the blanket, the other holding my pinky. The fact that she's small enough for me to hold in my hands.

"How do you feel?" Melody asks. It seems like I'm the only one absolutely captivated by the life I've just created because Melody is staring at me intently waiting for my answer.

"She's just so beautiful..." Life is incredible. A miracle. Something so precious. Silent tears roll down my face. I've made a life. One day she'll grow up like me and everyone else. She'll play and go to school and drive and get a job and have children of her own and live.

"She is."

Melody was the only one who could come to the hospital with me. Nobody close to me knows about the baby besides her.

"What are you going to name her?"

That's something I haven't thought about much. I've been too busy thinking about how to take care of her that I didn't even name her.

Many people name their children after their parents, but I can't name her after my mother for obvious reasons. I have no mother figure in my life. I don't have anyone to name her after.

I try to think of a name that means beautiful, but watching her sleep in my arms is like watching a still pond after a storm. It's lovely, serene.

"Serenity."