Ana|l.h

four

[luke]

I get home and let myself in the house the house through the back door. There's a note on the counter from mom.
luke,
I'll be working late again, here's some money to get dinner. You can invite one of your friends over.
-mom

I take the money and shove it in my pocket, then crumple up the note. Then I sprint up the stairs to my room and lay down on my bed. I put some music on began to hum along to blink 182.

Today wasn't a great day, but it wasn't a bad day either. It was a neutral day. My friends were annoying me, but I saw this girl. It was kinda weird because I feel like I'm going to like her, but I don't to like her because she's not going to like me back.

I was the fat and ugly one out of my friends. No one was going to like me no matter how hard I try. My friends don't even understand what I go through to be like them. Why does it have to be so hard for me to be accepted in this fucked up world.

I took the rubber bracelets off my wrists. There was five for each wrist. I had been wearing these for years, so no one could see what was underneath. Scars. A few of them were new since I had cut again yesterday, but some scars were from months ago.

Trying to stop would be impossible. I was stuck in it. There was no escape. It was my way of taking my anger out on myself. My wrist weren't the only place I cut, it's also on my thighs and hips. I've never taken my shirt off when I'm with people, so I don't have to worry.

My phones started buzzing. It was Michael calling me. I answered and he was screaming in my ear.

"What the hell?" I asked, clearly annoyed.

"Sorry. Can you come over? Calum and Ashton will be there." He asked.

"Sure." I said with a sigh and hung up.

+

I got out of my car, which was parked in the street besides Michael's house and walked up the front steps. After five seconds, his mom opened the door.

"Hi Mrs. Clifford." I said, in a flat tone.

"Oh my gosh, hi Luke. I haven't seen you in forever, you look so good." She greeted me.

I smiled as she let me in. Michael's house is basically a mansion. His dad helps create Apple products and his mom is a style consultant. The music from his room is already clear and I follow the sound to third floor.

The three of them are sitting on Michael's bed when I walk in.

"Hey Luke." They all yell.

I sit down with them and take off my hoodie.

"So Luke, have you thought more about prom since lunch?" Ashton asked.

"Not really." I told them, "And only if I had a date, then I would go."

"Who are you bringing? We need to find you what to wear Friday, for you and your date to match." Michael said.

"It's Monday."

"But we need to know soon."

oh.my.fucking.god

"When I know, I'll tell you so my date and I can freaking match."

Just then to get me more worked up, his mom comes in with a pizza bigger than my future.

The three of them start eating it and after ten minutes of watching them I decided to go home.

"Dude, aren't you hungry?" Calum asks, while chewing.

"I already ate before I came, but I don't really feel good, I'm going home." I told them and left.

I walked out of the house and got into my car. This is just so hard for me. I don't want hangout with friends, I don't want to go to school, I don't even want to get out of bed. It's like a black cloud that takes up all the space in my brain, but there already is. There's Ana.

The summer I was going to be a freshman it started. I was at Calum's house, and the four of us were hanging out by the pool in his yard. They were all starting to get toned and fit, while I was still chubby and short. They didn't say anything because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. Then at dinner, his sister said something.

"Why isn't Luke in shape like the rest of you? Do you even work out? Girls like abs, not fat. Remember that."

I was so embarrassed by what she said. I hadn't really payed that much attention to my body before. Calum flipped out on his sister, but she was going on about how she was just trying to help. I went into the bathroom and threw up what I had just ate. That was the start.

From then on, I don't eat or  just throw up or both. And I work out a lot. From freshman year I grew a foot, and changed completely. First my wrist bone became noticeable, then my spine, ribs and hips and then I could put my feet together without having my legs touch. But I will never be enough. I'll always be the guy that needs to get abs.

I got myself into the house and ran upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door. Frantically, I opened the medicine cabinet and search for an empty vitamin bottle. I grabbed it and turned it over in the sink. My blades laid there, inviting me to press them against my skin.

I ripped my shirt off and grabbed a bladed. It moved against my skin, causing blood to flow. Newer and newer scars appeared on my hips as I was kissed by razors.

The blood kept dripping down my body and splashed against the black tile floor. Tears began to stream down my face as this is what my life had become.

(a/n: poor Luke:( i promise this story will get better as it goes on. calums sister, mali is kind of how ana was created ig but it make more sense later. what do you guys think about Luke so far)