My head started getting lighter.
So many thoughts were flowing in all at once. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I had stopped breathing. He had stopped breathing. The world had stoped turning, everything stood still. My bones turned to rubber, there was no hope in standing. I dropped the phone from my hand and collapsed at the knees onto the floor.
How is this possible...
What have I done.
Staring at the ceiling, I tried to find comfort as my joints began to send aching pulses through my body. I wanted this to all be a dream. But the pain was too real, it knew it had to be true. I could feel the veins in my heart slowly, painfully, tearing apart. It felt like my heart was being ripped in half. The air in my lungs got hevier, until it took so much energy to breathe that I just stopped all together.
I started playing every fight over in my head. Recounting every day that I didn't talk to him, all the times I wasted, not going to see him and doing something else instead. Every breath I wasted screaming at him, when I could have been laughing and kissing his soft lips. The lips that were now cold and blue.
Time is the healer of all pains, I just wanted to fast foward through all of this. Through the heartache and the sarrow. But the farther I fast forward, the farther I would be away from the last time I saw him. Better yet I wish I could rewind. Back to when I was in his arms, so I could make everything right. I could treasure him just a little bit more, because I now realize what I neglected.
I lay there as the room spins. The walls sing me deeper and deeper into darkness as I remain in a lifeless heap.
I can't find the energy to move for hours, the song plays over and over in my mind as I hear the air sing. Retracing his body with my finger tips, rehearsing our last words to eachother. His voice, his sent, his smile, swarming round and round in my head like a smokey cloud.
Everything about us comes flooding back all too quickly. The recall was suffocating me, I was drowning in flashbacks. His touch, his breath, his arms around me, it all had me wrapped up in a thick tight hold. These memories were letting me go anytime soon.
I can't forget you when you're gone. You're like a song, that goes around in my head.
And how I regret, it's been so long. Oh what when wrong? Could it be something I said?
Time make it go faster, or just rewind to back when Im wraped in your arms.
