The tempo was tapping softly, and rhythmic. It sounded almost like a mothers heartbeat, soothing yet strong. Something about it inspired me, it inspired my set. Being a model in Hollywood was no where near easy.
My mother hated what I was doing, she said this business wasn't for pretty girls like me. Down to earth girls. She would always say the fame would swallow me up, and I would lose myself.
She was right. I just didn't catch on fast enough.
Standing in front of a back drop painted with horizontal lines I bat my thick winged eye lashes slowly. Opening my eyes wide I send the camera a soft smirk.
My studded leather jacket made me stand out like a silhouette against the background. I had on solid white legging tights and a blood red thick knit tank top on underneath the leather. My combat boots were unlaced.
Striking as many differnt and new poses I could come up with I watched as my agent nodded with pleasure in my act. I was their maniquen, I did everything they told me too. I did what sold.
I showed my mother the pictures and she only cried, said she didn't know who that girl masked in cosmetics was. She prefered my nude face shots, the ones with light touch up and low lights. She said those ones were me.
I tried to ignore her, I knew they were all me. Modeling had been my dream since a little girl, I loved posing for the camera. On all of our family trips we would come home with a dozen pictures of just me.
At age eleven I got my first camera, and I took pictures of everything. My friends and I would put on fashion shows and dream of going to Paris and being a big fashion model. I wanted to be like the girls I saw in magazines, and in the commericials on TV.
I wanted airbrushed features and all the nice clothes.
But when I was younger it was all innocent. There was no heavy makeup, no agents, no bright harsh lights. It was just kids in dress up coustumes strutting around in the backyard.
As the magazine editor scrolled through the images from the photoshoot I could see it in my eyes. The desperation to be everything everyone wanted.
I knew I had to work harder for my next shoot.
Next was a shoot for another spread in a magazine, this one would be for the newest line of eyeshadow from CoverGirl. I was termined to be everything for this shoot.
It would be launch of my career.
I had to be everything.
Everything at once.
Standing on the black boxes I knew...
As sly as a fox
As storng as an ox
As fast as a hare
As brave as a bear
As free as a bird
As neat as a word
As quiet as a house
As neat as a mouse.
All I want to be, is everything, everything at once.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
AN: This is the very deeper meaning I got from this song, being a sellout. Wanting to be everything to please everyone. Everything all at once.
