I'd Be Lost Without My Blogger (Johnlock AU)

Two

"They're all looking at me, John." Mary said. Not like she's never been into my house but every time she came here, she steps into my living room warily.

Mary just stared at my posters and I nod. I always; pretend that they're looking at me; sometimes I perform a bit of stripping act in front of a Sherlock poster. He likes it though because he never looks away.

"Oh god, Mary! MY FEELS!" I point to my screen.

"Your feels, John? As in your feelings?"

"Yes! It has something to do with that! But seriously! Look at this picture! Cheverloo!" My mouth is nearly hanging on the floor. Hello, Sherlock Holmes wearing a purple shirt and absolutely looking freaking sexy on it. Oh god! This man is born to wear purple shirt of sex.

"It's alright."

"Alright?! Alright? What do you mean it's alright?" I gasp, feeling more offended than I actually should since it's not my body we are talking about anymore. "This guy is a curly haired sexy beast. I would handcuff myself into his belt."

"You would what?"

"Think about it..." My own imagination begins playing because wow, what would happen if I was stuck on Sherlock's belt and he had to undress himself? Note to self: bring handcuffs because fate might bring me to meet Sherlock Holmes himself.

"Mary? Would you ship us?" I grab my laptop and open a high quality picture of Sherlock's flawless face and hold it close to mine.

"Ship you?" she looked at me confused and frowning.

"Yeah, like can you see us together?" I try to stay calm but for a girl who claims she loves 221B, she doesn't quite understand how the fandom works. Shipping is a major part of our fandom. People ship the members together. Like Greg and Myke and Molly and Sherlock and they even have names for them together.

"As in dating?"

"No, as in milking cows together, yes dating! Do you think we would look hot together? He's freaking hot, obviously, but I'm not really that bad either am I? So seriously, would you ship us?"

"I eh, guess." She stammered, hesitating in her answer. Maybe I should have a poll on my blog asking whether they would ship Sherlock and me or not. Although those bitches would get all jealous and say that Sherlock isn't gay just so they think (don't let me laugh) that they have a shot with him. Sherlock is all mine. All mine, he's my precious.

Shit, that sounded creepy, even in my head.

"Wait, did you just call yourself hot?" I feel a heat flushing into my cheeks because yeah, I kind of imply myself that I'm hot didn't I?

"Well, maybe... but I already have people fangirling over me, Mary, ME!" I placed my laptop back on my desk and click around a bit. "See, @BajillionOfSarcasms: Keep writing!!!! I'll be fangirling over you fanboy!"

"John, first of all, the name is BajillionOfSarcasm. And second, here's a girl; Sherlolly_Shipper saying that you're obsessed and obsession isn't pretty healthy at all." I can hear myself groaning out loud on her stupid remarks.

"Still, that shipper thinks that I'm adorable." I huff at my best friend who's staring at me as if I we're growing two heads. "And I'm not obsessed; I just love them more than air." I grin at her while she's rolling her eyes at the back of her head.

John_Watson

@SHolmes_221B My friend said I'm obsessed with you but I'm not. (sent a minute ago)

John_Watson

@SHolmes_221B I do like you a lot though. You're hot, why are you so hot? You make me go ASDFGHJKL. (sent a minute ago.)

John_Watson

@SHolmes_221B AND YUDTKUYJRFIYFFYFUYQTFXGJ. THOSE WERE MY OVARIES. THEY EXPLODED. (sent 55 seconds ago)

John_Watson

@SHolmes_221B My friend says I don't have ovaries because I am a boy. I'm a boy who thinks your freckles are pretty (sent 34 seconds ago)

John_Watson

@SHolmes_221B NOTICE ME! (sent 9 seconds ago)

"Does Sherlock have freckles?" I can see Mary focusing on one of my Sherlock posters and I laughed.

"Depends on how much you zoomed in."

"Never mind, I don't even want to know. You're creeping me out John." I pull a funny face as she stands up and live.

My friend left. She has better things to do she said. Yeah, as if there are better things to do than stare at Sherlock Holmes. I can't think of a thing better than staring at Sherlock Holmes right now. Okay maybe I can but it all involves Sherlock and my mouth.

But look at this picture anyway. It makes me all hot and little John down there gets a little bit more excited than I am. Just imagine ripping those clothes off, then licking his chest way down low, while unbuckling his belt then licking his tiny bit visible v-lines while you're tongue is teasing his happy trail, looking at him in the eyes until he has to shut them in pure pleasure. Yeah, you ladies have it pretty easy because you can hide your excitement, I'm sporting an instant boner if I think about all this (it's hard not to) and you girls can just fake a bright smile and walk away without having to adjust your jeans every other minute.

Anyway, if you like my blog, leave a comment below and hit that submit button.

A/N: Holy fuck people. I mean my ideas are getting out of hands and I make John really a perverted fanboy. Hahaha. But I hope you all love this. Because I enjoy writing this bullshit! :P And I do not own the characters. They all belongs to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and BBC, the only I own is the plot of this crap! Fuck! I'd talk so very much. I AM FUCKING INSANE NOW. BYE.