Questioning Paths

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Everything was unbearably loud. Pain was the only thing he could feel other than the coldness surrounding him. His eyes fluttered open and the fuzziness of his vision only made him feel more nauseous. Light--even though it was dim in the room--was just another source of pain due to his poor vision. Soft voices penetrated his ears and echoed in his head. Although he was incapacitated--by who knows what--he made himself sit up, but a powerful yet caring hand forced him back down. Ezra didn't attempt to get back up either.

"Why did he do it?"
"He didn't want to do it...it just happened. It wasn't even like he was in control of it! And then that woman...--"
"What woman?"
"She said that it was her job..."
"To make him turn?"
"I guess so. But he wouldn't do this willingly!"
"Well, he can't do this during every mission! We have to put an end to this. You have to put an end to this."

Someone let out a loud sigh as the sound of doors opening and closing followed.

"How are you doing, Ezra?"
"I'm...I'm okay."
"Do you remember what happened?"
"No. What happened?"
"You did it again. You made contact with the dark side."

Ezra sat up and brought his knees up to his chest as Kanan took a seat next to him. He could sense the self-shame his padawan had brought upon himself and he sighed once again. They sat under dim light waiting for each other to say something.

"Kanan, I don't want to go to the dark side...," Ezra admitted in a frightened tone. "How do I stop from going there?"
"You have to stop being so afraid," Kanan replied.
"I'm not afraid!"
"No. You are afraid," his master said in a stern tone. "You're afraid of the dark side, you're afraid of the crew finding out, you're afraid of me finding out, you're afraid to be abandoned-- afraid of losing us!"

Insecurity wrapped Ezra up and anxiety made sure he obeyed his fears. Kanan looked over at his padawan who bit his lip in guilt.

"But what if I don't want to be like him, Kanan...," Ezra shakily spoke. "What if I don't want to be evil?"
"I wouldn't let that happen, Ezra. You know that," Kanan told him. "You just have to get rid of your fears and it won't happen."
"I don't want to hurt you guys like he did."
"You won't. I won't let that happen to you, Ezra."
"I want to be on the path of the Jedi."
"You will be...I believe in you... Just keep working hard."

****

Kanan left Ezra alone to rest and sat by himself in the cockpit staring out at the stars. Things were getting drastically worse. He knew that there were thousands of them back when he was younger, but now, it was just them and Ahsoka. That's it. That's all they've got. Who knew how many Sith Lords and Inquisitors there were? They were clearly out-numbered. But for all he knew, there was only one master and padawan. And that was him and Ezra. No one else knew what they were going through; no one else has a bond like them. Knowing that, Kanan felt like the continuation of the Jedi ways was on his shoulders.

"Hey," Hera entered the cockpit and sat next to Kanan. "Is he doing okay?"
"Yeah. He's fine," Kanan plainly said.
"You sure?"
"He needs some time alone."
"What happened?"
"He's afraid, Hera," Kanan looked at her. "He's really afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Losing us."
"Why?"
"He doesn't want to be alone again."
"Like his parents did..."
"Plus, if we're separated and he's all alone, I don't know what would happen to him, but I'm sure the Empire would catch him."
"Don't say that. I'm sure he'd figure something out."
"The Empire is too strong, Hera. Face it. If we were separated, almost all of us would all die."
"Almost all of us? What are you saying, Kanan?"
"They want Ezra, Hera. They want him to be like him."
"Well, we are together and we will protect him from the Empire at all costs. It's like what you said before--"
"Ezra is strong with the force--"
"And if the Empire turns him over, then who knows what could happen?"

Hera nodded in agreement as Kanan continued to get lost in thought. Ezra's fear of being abandoned had spread to his master. A master nor his padawan can live without the other.


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