My Angel At Last

Another day, another scar

This cashier is taking forever. I think she goes to my school, yeah she does. She is in my biology class, sits up front, always listening, always participating. Probably the total opposite of me. Luckily it's a small drugstore, not many people are here. I carefully place my three items on the counter. I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea, the right idea. Two packs of razor blades and a pack of strawberry flavoured gum. Ugh Danielle you're so stupid, can you make it more obvious. I hate strawberry flavoured anything. I should have taken something less suspicious. I'm next. Deep breath in. She takes a quick look at me, a look I'm used to by now. She takes my items as quick as possible, scans them and throws them into the bag. "$10.95", she says in the high pitched voice. I turn all nervous. "What?" Why did I say what? Now she probably thinks I'm def too. "$10.95, couldn't get it the first time?" That evil smirk. I take out the crumbled ten dollar bill out of my right pocket and realize I don't have enough. She takes a look at it, rips it out of my hand. "Get lost.", she says without taking a second look at me. I take my plastic bag and leave.

At home I run up the stairs into my room. I have my own washroom, thank God. I lock myself in and take out the items out of the bag. I got six razors in each pack. That's going to last for a while. I take my black sweater off. My left arm looks really bad compared to my right one, but then again no ones life is perfect. Mine cant get any better. Today it'll be my right arms turn. I choose a clean spot three-fourth up my wrist. This will be the highest I've been. I sit down on the toilet seat, my head leaned against the wall. I hold the razor exactly above where I want it to be and close my eyes. Here I go again.

My mom called me down for dinner. I didn't go even though I was starving. My arm wouldn't stop bleeding. I patched it up now. My washroom looks so tidy, my mom w one. My newest, cut one third above my wrist, is way too deep and wouldn't stop bleeding last night. That's going to be an ugly scar. I look at my right arm. Twenty three cuts. Twenty three times I've relieved myself. Twenty three times I've closed my eyes and prayed. I take out a razor. It's so small and shiny. I never knew I'd end up here, doing this, I mean last year I was the one making fun of people, who cut themselvill never know a thing. I put on my long sleeved pj's and go to bed.

The next morning I wake up with a burning sensation from my arm. Damn it. I take a look at my clock. Im pretty early. I get up with a dizzy feeling. I should have eaten something. I do my usual routine in the bathroom, and change my bandages on my arm. What should I wear today? I go for my navy sweater and dark jeans. It might be june, but I could never go for anything short. My mom already left for work, which means I have to make my own breakfast. I quickly eat a bowl of cereal and grab an apple for lunch. On my way to school, I realize how early I am. That's going to be great.

I usually sit down by the door in front of my first period class, until first bell. I don't want to space out or just look around the hallway, so I take out a notebook and start doodling on it, to kill some time. Finally the bell rings. I make my way to the far back right window seat, where I sit by myself. Biology is not my favourite class, but I don't hate it either, yet I'm glad it's my first class. My teacher goes on with a lesson about cells I believe, I don't really care. The trees have a beautiful shade of a deep green. The sun shimmers thru the leafs.

Someone knocks on the door. My teacher opens it. A student walks in. A tall male student, broad shoulders, wide smile, ocean blue eyes and black hair. Great another one of these jocks. He introduces himself as the new guy moving all the way from the sunny state California. He is just perfect for this perfect school with perfect students. His name? I didn't catch that I mean I could care less.

"Care to move your bag from my table? , a deep voice says. My whole body freezes. Every cell in my body, every muscle doesn't move. After a few seconds I look up to see the new guy hovering above me, waiting for me to move. I take my bag and put it beside me to the ground. I cant believe he has to sit next to me. I bet by tomorrow he will tell everyone a new rumour, another lie, another reason to hate this life.. great. I pretend to listen to the teacher, but his smell doesn't let me focus. I hope my thoughts will be cleared by the end of the day.