You're My Strength (A Nathan Sykes FanFic)

Flying away

I watched him as he drove, seeing his eyebrows furrow slightly every now and again. It was so peaceful in the car; I felt such at ease with him. I studied every inch of the left side of his face, the shape of his nose, then moved down to his body, the lean shape, memories of his happy trail lifting my spirits slightly. I studied his arms and his hands, his legs, the way his muscles moved as he pressed on pedals, turned the steering wheel, and shifted gears. Every part of him was amazing, and he stayed with me. That was the best part. He cares, he really cares. I don't want to mention the L-word again; I think he only said that to try and get me to stay, but it meant everything to me.

I'll always be a fangirl, nothing will change that. I'm gonna fan over the other boys too, I can't help that either. Smiling, I dragged my eyes away from his face and looked at my phone: 1:30am. I hope I make the flight! We didn't have long to go, and I felt a sense of disappointment, much like the one I felt as Nathan pulled away from the kiss on my drive. I bit my lip gently in memory and noticed we were going at a steady pace on the motorway and Nath's left hand was on his lap. Already, after just a few months of driving, he'd resorted to only using one hand to hold the wheel. Lingering my gaze on his hand, not daring to look a few inches up, I reached out my hand and slid my fingers through his. He jumped slightly, as if I'd startled him out of his thoughts, but he smiled warmly at me and held my hand tight, absent-mindedly stroking the back of my hand. I settled in my seat and went back to looking out the window, watching each streetlamp as it passed before moving onto the next. I felt Nath pull his hand away slightly and I instantly released my grip, letting him let go. "Hey." he said, slightly hurt, "That was comfortable." He smiled and reached for my hand again, and when he closed his fingers on mine, I felt that that was where it belongs.

I sat up straight as we got closer to the airport and Nathan had to let go of my hand so he could change gears. We pulled up outside and just sat there for a moment in expectant silence as I worked up the courage to get out in a busy place and go to a different part of the world. "Come in with me?" I asked Nathan. "I thought you'd never ask." He winked at me. That gets me every time- my breath catches in my throat when he does that. I wish I wasn't so weak sometimes. "Come on, baby. You have a flight to catch." He got out of the car and opened the boot as I started climbing out the car too. 

I stood next to the door as he pulled my suitcase towards me. I went to reach for it, but Nathan took my hand in his, wrapping my fingers between his again. I rolled my eyes at him, "I was going for the suitcase." I looked down at our entwined fingers, "But this is good too." I smiled. "It sure is," he replied, "Come on, you don't wanna miss your flight." I took my plane ticket, my passport and my stupid amount of money and we strolled into Heathrow airport hand in hand. I checked the ticket for the gate number. "Gate 18." I informed Nathan. He smiled at me in acknowledgement, but didn't say anything. Although he was smiling, there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. I averted my eyes. I know I shouldn't be running away like this, but I was scared shitless about what would happen to both Nath and me if I stayed. Neither was safe. I wasn't just doing this for me. If I could reverse time so that I was never chosen at the concert, I would, just so I didn't get him in this mess again. I hated what he'd done for me, given everything up just to be with me. I know they had a week off, but that was meant to be so they could see their families. Not me. Ugh. I sighed and let go of Nathan's hand. I needed to make it easier for him to let me go. I wasn't planning on talking to him whilst I was in America. It was just easier that way. I'll go back to fading in the background and he'll carry on taking the world by storm with the rest of The Wanted boys, and strangely, I'd rather that than hurting him more. 

Nathan looked at me surprised when I let go, but didn't say anything. He went back to trying to navigate the gate and put his hand in his pocket instead, shrugging. I spotted a sign pointing to Gate 18 and went to point it out to Nathan, but it looked like he'd spotted it too, so we stayed in silence. He had that look again, the one I saw on the grass under the stars a few days ago. His thinking one. I bit my lip, wanting to kiss away the frown. I won't forget what Ryan did, but when I'm around Nathan, I feel like it never happened, that I can be myself around him. And now I was leaving him. Running away from the one thing that could show me the light.