You're My Strength (A Nathan Sykes FanFic)

Don't go

"Hello?"

"You can't leave" His voice was quiet.

"I have to Nathan. Don't make this harder than it already is. I said goodbye, just leave it as that." Stupid tears, why can't they fuck off?

"Goodbye? You were serious with this? You're really leaving me? Even after I told you I loved you? Chantelle, you have been on my mind since we met in London at The Code gig. You were beautiful even then. I thought I'd never see you again, but something couldn't let you go. I'm glad I didn't." I could hear his voice shaking slightly.

"Yes, I'm serious, Nathan. I've loved you from the minute I first saw you. Then more when I got to know you a little more on Twitter. Then The Code tour just about did it. You know, when I'm upset, I sit in my bed in the corner where all my posters are. It's like you're there for me without actually being there. And it worked for a while. But not anymore. I know you too much. It was better when I was just another fan to you." My voice cracked, as a tear slides down my face. I was staring at my wall now, taking in all their faces for the last time, lingering on the large one of just Nathan, feeling his warmth, his heartbeat. His kiss.

"Just another fan? Channa, you'll always be so much more to me than that. Please don't leave me."

"I'm sorry Nathan, I really am. I should never have been in your life. Just know you're so much better off without me, and I really didn't want to hurt you. Like I said, I'm leaving tonight, so don't try and get hold of me. Just forget about me." Can't be that hard, I thought to myself.

"You think I'm just gonna forget you like that? You know what? I give up. Have a nice time with your mum." What followed was the harsh tone letting me know he'd hung up.

I sat there and bit my lip, only allowing the silent tears through. If I started sobbing, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. That was the one thing I was sure on. Then I got angry at myself. What was happening to me? My life had changed so much since last Saturday. I woke up excited to be seeing my idols live, and I got caught in a rollercoaster since. But it wasn't Nathan's fault. He was trying to care. He made me so happy. I see that now and I pushed him away. It was for the best. It'd rip me apart if he got hurt because of me.

I angrily wiped my tears away, ignoring the mascara streaks that would have almost definitely accumulated down my face and focused on finishing packing my bag as neatly as I could. I found my passport and turned on my laptop to print off my flight tickets. I packed my laptop and charger, phone charger and put my iPod on to charge. There was no way I was going to survive an eight hour flight without drowning out the rest of the world.

My stomach rumbled loudly. I realised I hadn't eaten anything all day and now it was 7pm. Looks like a shitty microwave meal will have to do. I wasn't in the mood to cook. Which was very weird for me. Whenever I needed to escape, I'd crank my iPod up loud and pound some bread dough, or make double chocolate cookies, or a large coffee and walnut gateaux. I rubbed my eyes, feeling that pounding return. I trailed downstairs to grab some paracetamol and orange juice and shoved macaroni cheese in the microwave, stabbing the plastic film repeatedly. I stood and waited for the 'meal' to be done and it was over before I knew it. I daren't go too deep in my toughts, I know what comes with that and my legs and stomach were still stinging from this morning.

I turned the TV on for some background noise, but a music channel was on and guess what was on that channel?! Yeah, it was an hour of The Wanted songs. It was I Found You. I just stared at the screen, watching Nathan kiss that girl and leave, winking. My stomach still flipped at that and my lips tingled in the memory of just how soft and firm those lips were. Finally dragging my eyes away from the screen at an ad break, I just picked at my food . Suddenly, I wasn't so hungry. I had pushed away the one thing that had meant so fucking much to me. It was because of them I didn't drink that bleach a few years back. I had someone, or 5 people, to believe in. They really saved me, and I will always love them for that. Thinking back to the other day, laying in the grass under the sinking sun, then the stars, I relished in that feeling. I felt so safe, as if nothing could ever hurt me as long as Nathan was there laying next to me. Some lyrics popped into my head; "Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" I sang softly. I would. I'd lay there forever, breathing in Nathan's scent, tasting nothing but his lips on mine, feeling nothing but his warmth covering mine.