Angels deserve to die-Larry Stylinson

Chapter 5 (edited)

Give me therapy, i'm a walking travesty
but i'm smiling at everything
-All time low
therapy

"alright harry, i know you don't love the idea of talking to someone but let's give this a go, take your time answering any questions and let me know if we're going too far or anything okay?" niall said sitting down on the couch in mine and louis' bedroom

"okay" i said fidgeting with my fingers and not making eye contact, louis grabbed one of my hands and squeezed it before giving me a reassuring smile

"so harry, do you wanna tell us why you hurt yourself today?"

"i just, feel like i'm not good enough for anyone. i'm gross and a burden and i don't deserve anyone" i said looking down at my fingers

louis placed his hand on my leg and gave me a sad smile while niall nodded "why do you feel like that" he asked

i shrugged "people online say it, i've felt like people don't like me since high school and then people on twitter saying that i guess made me believe it even more"

niall again nodded "when did you start self harming"

i visibly tensed "last year" , 2012

he nodded "did anything in specific set that off?"

"no, i knew people who's self harmed in high school and middle school and when i got stressed and felt bad about myself i just gave it a try. it hurt a lot but it helped a bit too"

niall nodded again and louis gave me a sad sympathetic smile while niall said "when i was struggling and self harming awhile ago i felt like it helped a lot too but when i started trying to stop i snapped a rubber band on my wrist when i wanted to feel alive or i needed something else, have you tried doing that harry?"

i shook my head "i can try"

"and if that doesn't work there are other options to feel something but not hurt yourself. i can send you the list that my therapist gave me" niall smiled at me

i nodded and louis grabbed my hand "i think trying to stop self harming is a good first step. harry i don't know how to help your suicidal thoughts and i think that's something you need to see a professional about but maybe we start here?"

niall looked between me and louis "i can send you my therapists phone number, she helped me a lot when i was really depressed and i wasn't suicidal but i think she can help with that too." he said looking at louis "harry i think it's important to know that talking to someone about what you're feeling is normal. it's actually really good to not bottle anything up and try and get some help. i still see my therapist weekly when we're not touring and it's really nice to have a outside opinion you know?"

i nodded "okay"

niall got ready to head out after sending me and louis the information he had promised.

"i'm so proud of you sweetheart" louis said engulfing me in a hug, i softened and held tightly to his back "i'm sorry for everything i'm putting you through. i love you louis"

louis sighed, let go of my back and grabbed my hands "baby it's not your fault. we're gonna get you some help okay?"

a tear fell from my eye

"i love you so much harry okay? don't you ever forget it"