The Housewife Assassin's Handbook

Chapter 14: Hostest with the Mostest!

The true test of any housewife is how she treats her guests! From the moment they walk through her front door, they should feel welcomed. They should be wined and dined and feted until they are sated. They should be in awe of the guest list, comfortable in the lush surroundings you've created for them, and riveted by your scintillating conversation.

Important Tip: Avoid arsenic in any dishes. Seems that a dead guest has a way of putting a damper on a party. Go figure.

*****

"You two need to get a room," Emma mutters.

She's right. Jack and I can't keep our hands off each other.

I guess we're embarrassing the children, too. As Jack nuzzles my neck, Mary's eyes get big, and her face turns red, whereas Trisha giggles and calls us silly.

Jeff just sighs loudly and takes off to another room.

Yes, they know I'm ecstatic, and I know that they are happy for me, even if they don't dare show it.

How long will my euphoria last? If we stop the Quorum, then the mission is over, and Jack will be moving on.

If we don't... Or if one of us gets hurt...

Or killed—

I don't want to think about it.

I have one goal: eliminate my enemy, so that I can move on with my life.

So that I can live happily ever after—

With Jack.

He walks over to me. In his hand is a cup of my favorite tea. When I reach out for it, our fingers touch, and the connection surges between us. He looks down at me, and almost as if he's reading my mind, he says, "Don't worry. I've got a plan."

"I'm all ears." If the tremble in my voice makes me sound so desperate, then so be it.

"Tell me: how many gourmet hamburgers will it take to feed all of Hilldale?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"We're throwing a cookout. We'll use Jeff's team as the excuse. My God, they've made the U.S. regionals. All of Hilldale's gone crazy over their beloved Wildcats, so why not celebrate?"

"I don't get it. How will that help us find the Quorum?"

"We'll invite all the neighbors we haven't met as of yet. How many are left on the list?"

"We're down to about eight households. They never seem to be around."

"The Quorum would love to get up close and personal with the Stones, right? Trust me, all its operatives will come running when the invitation to this little shindig goes out. It wants something it thinks you have, so why don't we give it a chance to find it?"

I shudder at the thought of the Quorum in my house, rummaging through my things.

Touching Carl's things.

But of course, that means nothing to Jack.

"While they're scoping us out, Abu and Arnie can sweep their houses. Emma can divert the neighborhood security cameras beforehand—and put some here, in the house. Ryan can send in a few other agents. Their cover will be the catering crew. Every cup and plate touched by persons of interest will allow us to gather fingerprints that can be matched to Acme's database."

He's right, though. If we take the Quorum down, it will have been worth it.

"But what if they plant bugs here?"