Perfect

Chapter 5

For the next few days, I had a cycle. I would eat very little, take Barney on his long walk, eat everything I could find and force myself to throw up. It was a horrible, damaging cycle but I couldn't help it.

"Ugh."

The smell coming from the toilet made me want to puke again. I got up off the floor and flushed it. I felt very weak but I had gotten used to that already.

"118?" I asked myself, staring at the scales. I was that yesterday.

I got off the scales and did 300 jumping jacks in a row, followed by 20 push up and 150 crunches. I got up and went back onto the scales.

The number didn't budge.

I ran into my room, covering myself with my dressing gown, and logged into my laptop. I quickly went into google and typed in my question.

"Why did I stop losing weight?"

I scrolled down until I saw an answer that was suitable.

"...You may have stopped losing weight because either a) you hit your plateau or b) your body is in starvation mode."

I nodded to myself and continued reading.

"If you hit either, I suggest you indulge in a little food. You should wake up the next morning and the pounds will come off easy."

I smiled and went downstairs. I opened the fridge and looked at what we had. Ham, milk, yogurts, chocolate bars, vegetable- CHOCOLATE?!

I yanked out a bar, and read the label. It was a Kit Kat! I barely chewed on it as I stuffed it in my mouth, tearing up as it painfully slid down my throat. But that wasn't enough.

I grabbed the milk and drank it straight out of the carton, gulping down it's taste. My stomach was screaming out in protest but I ignored it and ate more.

"You idiot!" my head screamed out. "You disgusting, fat, dumb idiot!"

I stopped for a second. The pain in my stomach hit me, and I needed to keep it down, I needed to keep losing weight...

I found myself curled up in a ball beside the toilet, crying softly.. I just have looked a right mess, vomit around my mouth and in my hair, tears blotching up my face and snot running from my nose.

"Emma? Are you okay?" Mum called out. She mat have heard me getting sick.

"I vomited," I replied and tried to fix myself up a little bit. I wiped away my tears and washed my face quickly, just splashing a little water onto it.

"Do you feel better now? It could have just been a stomach bug," asked Mum.

No, Mum. I didn't feel better. In fact, I felt worse. I felt like a horrible, disgusting blob again, and no matter how many times I tried to puke, it stayed.

"Yeah, much better," I said instead and waited till she went away to come out of my room. I went into my bed and sunk down low, tears coming up again.

"I thought you might want a glass of water," Mum told me, after coming back up to my room with a glass. I nodded, and took a delicate sip of the water.

" Night," I said, and Mum went out of the room.

I looked at my laptop on my bed side table. It had turned itself off long ago. Mum didn't see it. I would hate for her to know I was nearly clawing food out of my own stomach with my hand every night.

I took comfort in the thought that she didn't know and went to sleep.

-------------

When I woke up in the morning, I went straight to the bathroom and stepped on the scales after removing my clothes.

"117," it read and I smiled. It worked, even though I didn't keep down the food.

I looked at my body. A gap was appearing between my legs, my ankles and wrists looked smaller. But my stomach, butt and thighs remained very big. I frowned at them, poked them, pulled and prodded.

"Never mind," I told myself and walked towards the bath. I filled it up with warm water and got in. I had to wash my hair after the puke getting in it last night.

"I'll be thin for school. I have to be."