In Honour of the Heart

Chapter 07 : You are always on my mind.

"Only three things can change our lives: dreams, suffering and love."

~  Paulo Coelho.

 Ethan paused at that sentence and reread it again. Was not it true? Dreams made him who he was today; love and suffering placed him where he was today. He was facing hardship, not because he was doing something wrong, but because he was trying to do something right.

Sun had set since long and dark, grey clouds loomed over moon, turning the sky a dark black colour. Those clouds were not in the mood to either let the stars shine or let a bright, new morning come. There were no silver linings around them. All he could see was gloom. His hand moved to his face, rubbing the tired eyes. Was it possible to rub away his worries? He pulled the blanket closer to his restless body. After a minute he closed the book of his favourite author, took out his spectacles and switched off the side lamp, wishing the darkness will engulf him in its arms, bringing the much desired rest. He tried to sleep but could not. Why his heart was acting like a compass, always pointing him to her direction? He sat up holding his head in his hands with despair and sighed. He knew that his unworldly heart was not ready to listen to his mind. If it was difficult to walk away, it was harder not to look back. Feeling of doom started to bear down him. How he wished that his mom or Katherine were around. They would have held his hand, looked him in the eyes and asked "What is bothering you? Tell us." How he missed them.

A forlorn tear sat on the edge of his sad eyes, threatening to spill out, indicating the storm brewing inside. He wiped it away.

He had tried to contact Isabelle so many times. She had replied just once. Was she getting his messages? If so, how can she not reply? What was he supposed to do now?

He might have torn her texts but he will never forget what she wrote. They had stopped talking since long but her voice was still fresh in his memory.  They had hardly hugged but he was still unable to forget how she smelled. He had to hold on to those precious memories, because they were the only thing which did not change when everything else did.

He extended his painter's hand, his long calloused fingers grabbing the phone from the side table and opened her face book wall. She had many friends there. Isabelle had the charming quality. She had put several photo albums there. Did not she look prettier now? Her prominent cheek bones had a healthy glow. She looked contented. Her happiness came across in the form of her grin in and it touched his soul straight. She did have few wrinkles here and there but that did not hurt much. People were never dazzling from the way they looked.

On one hand where her smile made him happy; on another he was sad. It was a fact that she had moved on. She now had eyes for her husband. How jealous he was of that lucky guy who was holding Isabelle in his strong arms and smiling at her.

His eyes went to the cute little girl. Anybody will fall in love with that sweet, little Muppet. As he looked at the gorgeous picture of both of them, he can sense the love gleaming in Isabelle's eyes. He had not forgotten emerald aquamarine eyes. Do those eyes become bluer after reading his messages? Does any waves of feelings still storm those jaded blue eyes at the mention of his name? So many times, Ethan had tried to capture them in his paintings but he succeeded. Were they still eager to read his statement? He did not know.

Had she forgotten him? His mind knew he had no right on her but his guilty heart had its own reasons. He had done his best but he was tired of trying. She might have her explanations for not responding. Who was he to doubt them? Had not he caused enough grief before? It was now better to leave her alone. If she wanted to be a stranger, let her be. Now he will wait for her message. Let her remember him, miss him and beg him the way he was doing till now. Did he still have any place in her heart?