Rebel (Civil War Period)

Chapter 15..

I did not take the time to delight in all the shocked faces, but pressed my thighs against Caesar's flanks and sped down the road. It would be a long journey, and a difficult one. I merely hoped I would get over the border quick enough and reach Bentonville on time. As I brought more and more distance between my home and myself, silent tears ran down my cheek for all that I had left behind, for all that I had destroyed.

My brother, once so glorious and promising, was now, devastated over his favourite sister's disastrous marriage and her illegitimate children, a drunkard.

Marianne, who had been perfectly sane, I had sent to the madhouse so she would not give me away and not take my son from me. I had destroyed her prospect of a happy life the moment I had been pregnant with Jonathan. It was also me who made Officer Hudson a broken man, his alleged son taken from him, his beloved wife in the asylum.

Then there was Susannah, who had always been the shining star of us four siblings, the sweet, charming and promising daughter. I had destroyed her innocence by cruelly confronting her with matters such as improper behaviour, illegitimate children and by pretending to have a good marriage, hiding the violent truth of it. I had indirectly made her a girl who has the reputation of being promiscuous and ill-suited for marriage.

I remembered the day our grandmother had visited us, and we had all sat in the garden.... She had called us Winning William, Marvellous Marianne and Sweet Susannah. Glorious Georgiana. Her four beautiful angels.

I had made them fall from heaven. Gruesome Georgiana.

I had sent Charles Lacey, who might be a brutal and awful man, but still a human being, to his death without second thought.

I had wrecked my family, their reputation, their hopes.

"Mama..." Jonathan whimpered. It had all been worth it. Life was full of decisions, and if you decided for one thing you decided against the other. I had decided for Jasper and our children, and against my family.

"It's alright, my darling, we're now going to your Papa."

It was anything but easy riding with two children in your arms. John was sitting before me, and I had my arm around him while holding the reins. It was my luck that Caesar was a well-trained horse and listened to the slightest command. I wished I could continue the journey on train, but I knew I could then not take Caesar with me, and neither was I sure that I would be let on the train once word of my actions got carried around. So I just continued riding South until late that evening.

When we reached a small village, I decided to spend the night here and continue early in the morning. Caesar was sweating, exhausted and tired. I patted his neck and promised to find him sleep and water. I wondered when Charles would discover that all the cash was gone, and when he would realize that none of the money on my accounts would ever be his.

I handed the reins to the stableman of the inn and walked inside, a sleeping Felicity on my arm.

"Good evening, my lady. What may I do for you?" The landlady asked kindly, and I wondered why she addressed me as if she knew who I was - she spoke with respect and awe.

I remembered then that Jasper once told me that I was not like other women, not like the ordinary, honourable missies. He had described my appearance as aristocratic and proud, one that unmistakeably was the aura of a noble woman who would not be denied her wish. Then, I had not believed him, but now I detected some truth in his words.

"Good evening. I would like to spend the night here, if that is possible."

"Of course. Will your husband join you later?"