My Life Without Her

-Her- (Part 2)

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" I whispered in Nate's ear as I grabbed his arm, he turned to me with a raised eyebrow and nodded before standing up; I turned to look at the girls over my shoulder who sent me a thumbs up

"Guys, pay up! You owe us $20 each." Dinah said as she extended her palm out, three heads whipped in my direction as they looked at me with wide eyes, I sighed deeply before turning to Nate and walking out of the living room in direction of the backyard

"What's up?" He asked as he slipped his hand in mine; I clenched my eyes shut tightly as I turned away from him "Babe?" He whispered as his hand caressed my cheek, causing a lump to form at my throat

"Please don't hate me." I whispered, barely audible and his concern filled face hardened as a tear slipped from my eye "I need to tell you something." I mumbled as he wiped the stray tear away

"Okay..." He said slowly "what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked quickly and I retracted his hand from my face as I looked away from him

"I kissed Lucas." I whispered, barely audible. Silence.

"What?" He hissed as my head slowly turned to face his; his expression was hard, his jaw and fists were also clenched

"I'm sorry, Nate I--" he scoffed as he turned away from me as he waved his hand at me dismissively as he rubbed his jaw

"What the hell, El?" He snapped "How could you.... how could you do this to me?!" He exclaimed and I blinked rapidly as I tried to keep my tears at bay, but I couldn't "Do you like him or something?"

"I-- I don't know!" I stuttered "I was upset and we were fighting, one thing lead to another and--"

"Did you sleep with him?" My jaw dropped at him

"Is that what you think of me?" I whispered and he shrugged

"Answer me; it's a valid question." He demanded and I crossed my arms over my chest as I rolled my eyes slightly

"No, I didn't." I answered; faint relief crossed his features

"Why?" He breathed after a brief silence as he pinched the bridge of his nose "Do you like... not love me anymore?" He muttered sadly and I sniffled as another lump rose in my throat

"Nate..." I whispered "of course I still love you." I muttered and he looked directly at me, his eyes were glossy which made a sob erupt from my chest

"Then why?" He asked softly

"I didn't tell you our whole story." I sighed as I rubbed my eyes "Our breakup was because he had to deal with some family stuff; so... it was weird and abrupt." I added with a shaky sigh "Lucas will always be my first love, Nate. I haven't... completely gotten over him because... I just couldn't, I loved him too much to forget him, so when he came back into my life, since I didn't get some type of closure my feelings for him sort of came back and.... it just happened."

"Do you still want to get married?" He asked softly and I glanced at my ring before pinching the bridge of my nose and sighing softly

"Would you marry me? Even after this?" I asked and he sighed

"Just answer the question."

"I don't know..." I whispered as I played with my hair "I need to figure things out."

"Are you in love with him?" He muttered and I shrugged softly "Are you in love with me?" I shrugged again "So what are we supposed to do?" He said as he rubbed his jaw; I glanced at my hand as I fiddled with my ring as I slowly slipped it off and set it in his hand, he shut his eyes tightly as I looked up at him as I touched his cheek, he sighed

"I think a little break is for the best; gives us space to figure things out." I muttered and he sighed deeply as he dropped his head "I still believe we have a chance, Nate." I muttered

"I think I'm going to leave." He breathed "I'll just stay at a friend's for a bit." He added and I nodded softly as I bit my lip; he leaned down and kissed my cheek softly as he rested his forehead against mine "I never thought I'd be saying goodbye to you." He whispered as his hand slipped in mine as he squeezed mine "But if you need this, I understand." He whispered

"Thank you." I said and he nodded softly as he put his hands in his pockets

"Guess I'll see you when I see you?" He muttered and I bit my lip as I crossed my arms over my chest while nodding

"See you."