Saving You & I (Book #2)

Chapter 22

[A/N:] Hey beauties! I hope you all enjoy your weekends and this chapter :) This is more of a filler, but I promise you all the next chapter will be so much better and more action-packed! Sorry for any mistakes as usual xx

Asia's POV

I'd like to think that maybe all of this was my fault. That maybe I deserved this. Did I deserve this? It seemed like it. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I always get myself in these situations. And I never listen to my gut when I know that I should. Perhaps I put my trust into all the wrong people. And maybe I should take more precautions than I tend to.

But does that make me a bad person?

Do I deserve to be treated this way simply because I try to see the good in people? I guess I do. I don't feel sorry for myself anymore. For a while I did. But it's no one's fault but mine. There are consequences for your actions and now I have to live through my consequences every day.

I don't know how long it's been. I don't know if it's only been 3 days or 30. I don't know if it's day or night. I don't know what's going on outside of this room. I don't know anything. I barely even know who I am anymore.

I guess it doesn't really matter who I am anymore anyways. I've tried to escape, but I always fail. And the consequences for doing so always strike back three times harder. I'm guessing it's been a few days, though. There's a cycle that's going on. A cycle I don't necessarily like, but one that is forced upon me.

It all repeats itself. And most of the time I'm always in a drunken state. Between constantly getting hit and beaten on, getting drugs injected into my body and experiencing the worst withdrawals after that make you feel like you're dying. Then being repeatedly raped and touched by a man I no longer know, and being put in the compete darkness for hours and hours all alone, I can no longer tell my dreams and reality apart. Because lately all my dreams have turned into nightmares that are a reflection of my reality.

Will Hunter want me anymore? I was no longer Hunter's. He was the only person I wanted to be with in such an intimate way, but now it's ruined. My body is now soiled. Nothing will ever be the same after what Matt has done to me. I don't feel clean or pure anymore. I feel disgusting and dirty.

I can't sleep. They try to feed me but I throw it up by the time my hangover comes around. I'm barely ever sober. And when I am, I just cry in a corner to myself. They still don't trust me without handcuffs. They have put gauze wraps on my ankles and wrists so that I don't get cut up anymore. I don't speak and I barely pay attention to what's going on. Actually, nothing really matters because I'm usually left in the dark for hours and hours on end and high off of whatever drug they've given me.

During the day, I don't say a word. They try to get me to speak, but I don't do it. Even when Mandy beats me to talk, I don't say a word. I'm pretty silent and I don't even know the last time I used my voice. Oh yeah, it was before I pleaded Matt not to drug me. After that, I stayed silent and just let them do whatever. Why put up a fight I know I'm going to lose? The only time a sound comes out of my body is when I'm left in the dark and the only thing I can hear is my own muffled cry.

This is not a place anyone wants to be. I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy. This place is your worst nightmare. All I do is lie around with tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I cry when I've managed to block out all of my feelings. When you've been beaten, raped, and drugged so many times and there's barely a chance of you escaping this place, why would you want to care about anything?