Noah's Winter

Chapter Thirty

"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever...and it's bringing me out of the dark. The stars of your love remind me of us, they keep me thinking that we almost had it all. The stars of your love, they leave me breathless I can't help feeling...we could have had it all" My eyes shot open when my alarm went off, playing the song 'Rolling in the Deep' by Adele. The bright morning light shining through my window made me groan loudly, it was only six thirty in the morning and I already had a pounding headache along with an achy body. I heaved myself off of my comfortable queen sized bed and moped glumly over to the bathroom. I quickly stripped out of my black sweats and white t-shirt, hopping into the steaming shower. As the hot water ran soothingly down my back I couldn't help think about how my day would play out. Today would be my first day back to Bailer High School and I was so nervous - to the point of nausea. Then again, when wasn't I nauseous?

I made my shower quick, sadly, so I could get ready for school. Thank goodness I had been doing my homework through out my whole time in the hospital, so I would be graduating with my class. A dark thought popped into my mind; I probably would not make it to graduation...no, I wouldn't make it to graduation, I thought grimly. It seemed my choice had been haunting me more and more lately, and I was only hurting my family and Noah by not at least getting the treatment and trying. Not to mention, I seemed to be closer and closer to death each day which was very noticeable. My skin seemed paler, though I had been in the sun, my movements slower, my body hurt more than ever, my breathing was labored a bit more than yesterday, and my eyes seemed to have lost all light in them. Not that I wasn't happy; I was so relieved to be in my own bed at night and eating dinner with my family every night (Though I didn't eat much) and to be home, and that's what mattered to me. But it was as though I was still in the hospital, everyone was waiting for me to collapse one day and never get up. A sneeze to them is like a tumor... 'Winter sneezed, watch her every move and make sure she's not dead' is how I felt. Everyone watched me with paranoid eyes, and I guess I thought things would get back to normal if we went home, but man was I mistaking.

I dressed in black skinny jeans and a purple long sleeve top. I looked in the mirror and my smile grew huge; my mom had taken me, on one of my rare good days, to the salon to get hair extensions. My red wavy hair fell flawlessly down my back. I applied a small amount of makeup, though it didn't do much to my sunken in face, because I still looked dead. I sighed and walked out of my bedroom, down stairs to the kitchen. My family looked up at me with smiles on their faces but I could see the worry in their eyes, I looked much worse than yesterday, that much was obvious. 

My mother walked over to me, pecking me on the cheek, "I'm making strawberry pancakes,your favorite!" I smiled weakly at her.

 "Thanks mom" too bad I don't have an appetite, I added to myself. 

"Mornin' Guppy" My Dad said before taking a sip of his steaming coffee. 

"Morning Dad...hey Jake." My brother just nodded at me, his mouth too full of food to reply. I sat down at the wooden table and my Mother set a plate with two pancakes on it along with bacon, and eggs. Three sets of eyes froze on me, waiting for me to take a bite; I guess my lack of hunger lately had got their attention. I picked up my fork and scooped up some food, and put it in my mouth. I knew it wasn't my Mothers cooking, because she was a great cook, but it sent my stomach flipping in circles. I hastily stood up and ran to the downstairs bathroom locking the door behind me. I lifted the toilet lid and an endless amount of throw up spewed out of the pits of my stomach. I shut my eyes, and my head began to throb even more from the lack of air. Finally I stopped vomiting and I breathed in a huge gulp of air. My mouth tasted disgusting which made me want to puke all over again. I opened my eyes, and my heart sunk at the sight of red throw up. I was throwing up blood again, that wasn't good, I thought. I stared in horror at this, Alison, my doctor, had told me to inform my parents immediately if and when I began to vomit blood again - on the account of that meant the cancer was spreading, and fast, in fact it meant it would be the end of me here soon, too soon. Realization washed over me, quickly turning to despair, I wouldn't be living much longer, and I didn't feel ready to go yet.