Anchor Grind (H.S. / A.U.)

Chapter 37

TRIPLE UPDATE: CHAPTER 34, 35, & 36!

Alanis POV

I felt happy, I don't know if that is even allowed right now... but I did. Talking about Levi and telling the stories about him, having everyone here prove that they care about me. I didn't realize that this was what I needed. I'd spent the past few days hiding from the world and trying to disappear, thinking that is what I deserved...

Why was Levi taken and not me?

Levi was the golden child, the one my parents wanted, and the one they were always proud of. I felt like a burden half the time, I rarely impressed them, and I didn't have half the skills Levi did. He was practically a genius, a wiz at everything he ever tried, and could land any girl he wanted. Essentially Levi was the fully package, that's what everyone would say. I remember girls always thinking that somehow befriending me would help them get to him, like as if I was his keeper, or like there wasn't a giant age gap.

I guess once I hit double digits is when it really started to falter with us. I was only ten and Levi was fifteen, heading into high school. He joined school clubs and sports, having things to do with his time, he was popular, and had girls fawning over him. He was a freshman who went to Prom even, because he had a Junior girlfriend.

How is life just or fair at all if someone like that is able to be ripped out of it without even getting to grow up? Levi never got to own his own pet, he never got to get married, have kids, he didn't even get to finish his masters. Levi took a gap year after high school to 'see the world'. After he graduated college he started a technical school, then went back for a masters, he was due to graduate this year. I will never see him again and get to tell him how proud I am of these accomplishments.

Earlier I was telling stories and again I remembered that I'm never going to get to introduce any of my future boyfriends to Levi. I tried to divert my own brain into getting rid of the thought, telling myself this is a celebration and to remember that.

I instead tell stories and try to use that to ease my brain back into happiness. I can't let the sadness take over when I am this drunk, because then who knows if I will be able to recover again.

I don't remember at one point after the rain started that Harry told me I needed to be careful, because he said he was worried about me getting sick. But I didn't accept that, instead invading his space and bringing my face closer to his, he smelled like liquor and earthiness. I welcomed the scent and closed my eyes to bask in it, "I like how you smell. It's my favorite always." My words slurred only slightly and Harry's dimple pops out as a reward for my compliment.

"Miss Carson, are you flirting with me at a funeral right now? That is so unladylike." I was still seating on the picnic table and he stood on his board with an arm on both sides of me, bracketing me in, the rain warmly washing over us and felt wonderful. 

I brought a hand up to trace along Harry's jawline, so tense it could shatter his beautiful bunny teeth if he wasn't careful. And I was very fond of that smile. "A celebration Harold, not a funeral. Remember?" 

"Mhm oh of course." He hums while bringing his own face closer to mine. If anyone else was with us they had disappeared at some point, and even if they hadn't I would have never noticed anyone else besides Harry right now.

"Let's skate." I tap his lips with the same finger the was once drawing along his chiseled features, and a groan was muffled lightly behind closed lips.

Although I reached for my own board Harry stopped me, pulling my arm towards him, stepping off his board and steadying himself on the ground. "Get on," he ushered me commanding me to hop onto his back. I bite my lip while considering the offer, dumb, probably a recipe for one of us getting hurt, but oh well.