I walked quietly down into the kitchen and saw Lord Rico and the man who had taken Isaacs body, they were deep in a conversation about me, and I had heard literally every word they said. As I walked into the kitchen they both looked at me and Lord Rico stood up and sat down at the same time I did, I noticed this mark of respect towards me. “I think I have only one thing to say to you.” He said, waiting for me to give him permission to continue.
“What’s that?” I asked him
“Thank you.”
“Pardon?”
“I said thank you.”
“Sorry, I know that’s what you said, but I don’t understand why you said it.”
“Because if it weren’t for you, I would not be standing here still alive, you saved mine, Rowan’s and Oscar’s lives last night.” I looked to the floor noticing how delicately he had left out Isaac.
“I just wish I had been able to save one more.” I could feel Lord Rico become awkward at my words, but did not try to make it easier for him.
“Yes, it was a great loss, to us all.” I swallowed a lump in my throat and refused to let the tears fall from my eyes. “Yes it was”
“I think that I am in a great debt to you.”
“Don’t think of it that way.” I told him
“No,” he said firmly, “I insist, if at any point you need my help or need anything please come to me.” I could tell that he wasn’t going to let this drop unless I agreed to it.
“Thank you.”
“I know this may be an awkward question and one that you may not be able to answer, but, why did you collapse?”
I looked at him, not knowing how to reply, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to answer, I just didn’t know what the answer was.
“She was tired, emotionally and physically.” I looked at the man that had spoken and realised that he was not a man at all, he was an elf like me. I excused myself quietly and left the room.
I could still hear them talking in hushed voices behind me, but tried to block them out, not wanting to hear Lord Rico’s speculations. It also unnerved me how the other elf knew so much about me, when I did not even truly know what he was talking about myself.
I went outside and climbed the tree that was in the garden. Sitting amongst the branches I let the breeze blow my hair round my face and inhaled deeply, the mountain air was so fresh and clean; it was as if the bloodshed had never existed. I let the breeze take my ethereal skirt and make billow behind me in the air, I closed my eyes and felt like I was soaring, free as a bird in flight.
After a while I slowly drifted down from the tree and half heartedly walked through the garden, there were many beautiful flowers there and the Ilea from Elmira would have found their beauty enthralling, the Ilea after the journey let her eyes sweep over them without much thought. I felt empty, like there was nothing left inside, not in the same way as I felt after the bird, but in a way that felt almost as if part of me had still gone missing.
I walked out of the garden and sat on the grass, trying to figure it all out, my head was going round in circles and thinking about it just made me upset. I longed for someone to tell me what to do, to give me something to have to think about, to keep my mind busy so that I didn’t have to think of anything else. I was completely fed up of only having things to think about that hurt me. All I wanted was one happy thought.
Just one.
Getting up I noticed Rowan pacing in the distance, I slowly walked over to him, trying to make sure that he didn’t think that I was trying to get his attention. I attempted to turn up the corners of my mouth again in a smile to greet him, but I know that it didn’t work. He sat down on the grass and I sat down next to him. We sat there in silence for a few minutes just staring at the clouds. “I’m trying to decide what to do.” Rowan said. I left him on his own to continue without prompting, I thought that if he wanted to talk about it enough then he wouldn’t need prompting, I was right.
“I don’t mean to hurt you by saying this, but I don’t know what to do with the body.”
“What are your options?”
“We could take it back to Elmira, but I don’t know who his family are, or if he has any.”
“What’s the other options?”
“There’s only one other option really, I could bury the body here, on the top of this half-mountain.”
“It’s up to you.”
“I know, but I just don’t know what the right choice is, I don’t know what he would want me to do.”
“I think that he’d be happy with wherever you decided, he was that sort of person.”
“Yes, he was, but it still doesn’t make my decision any easier, what do you think?”
“I think that you should take him back to where he was happiest when he was… when he was alive.” I choked out as my throat closed around my words. I fought back tears again, hating myself for this inescapable weakness.
“I don’t know where that is, he didn’t even have a lover.”
I hugged my knees and took a deep breath, staring into the distance. I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my cheeks in slow trickles. When I didn’t reply Rowan looked at me and I could see the surprise on his face when he saw my tears.
“I’m sorry Ilea,”
“It’s okay.” I said quietly
“You really blame yourself don’t you.”
“Even when I try not to think about it, it just comes shouting back in my head again.” I replied, thinking of all the time I had wasted, just trying to protect myself. With that I stood up and walked away slowly and deliberately, closing the conversation. There was no where to go, except inside the house, so I went upstairs to the room and lay down on the bed doing nothing.
I lay on the bed for the rest of the day in a haze. I cried a lot, feeling the pain wash over me as I thought of the things that I could never again have. I felt as if tidal waves were ripping through me, the tears from my eyes falling cold as ice and in a relentless torrent, I just wanted him to pick me up and hold me tightly in his strong arms. I want him so much. The tears poured freely from my eyes and I felt like I would drown in them, I closed my eyes and felt loud sobs escape me as I sunk deeper and deeper into a place where my heart felt numb.
I fell asleep in between the crying, I had strange dreams with Rowan in that I couldn’t understand and often woke up crying, unable to stop, until I cried myself back to sleep.
Eventually I was so tired that I fell into a deep dreamless sleep, I slept for a long time so it was dark when I woke up. I lifted my head off my pillow, felt the lines of tears on my cheeks and the hair that had gotten stuck to my face as they had dried. I brushed it away from my mouth and waited for the tears to start again, but nothing happened. I felt a slight relief.
I got out of bed and went downstairs and into the kitchen, there was some bread and cheese left on the table so I got myself some and ate it sitting in the dark room on my own. I heard footsteps on the stairs but didn’t turn around to face them as they walked through the door. “Ilea, how are you coping?”
“I’m getting better at it, I think my eyes have run out of tears now.” I felt a sorry had touch my shoulder and moved away from it quickly. Simple things like that reminded me of the first walk to the council chamber with Rowan, I was coping, but little things like that would set me off if they took me by surprise.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, I just need a bit more time. Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
“I’m taking him back to Elmira, if he does have family then we can try and find them, if not he will be honoured there as a warrior who died in battle.”
“Good.”
“Is that all you can say?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to make sure that he goes down in history as a brave warrior, one that faced shadow wolves, and all you can say is good?”
“Thank you.” I turned around to face him and looked at him deeply, trying to make him understand without words. I couldn’t tell him how much it meant to me how he would be remembered long after his death. I stood up and kissed him lightly on the hand “Thank you.” I said again and then went up to my room, resisting the absurd urge to wrap my arms around him.
YOU ARE READING
Awoken (Ilea, Book I) (COMPLETED)
Fantasy“I have found you.” Was all he said as the blackness swallowed me. Ilea has been living with a secret that she knew nothing about, a secret so big that her whole life is being turned upside down. Torn away from her friends and thrust out into a wor...
