you don't own me - the last kingdom

king

...

i did not rest easy that night. riddled with nighmares and horrors from my past i found myself thrashing and sweating in bed. memories of rolfs hands morphed into svens and my brain was all muddled. the hands and the blood and the screams. at one point uhtreds face was brought into the ever expanding embodyment of men that had hurt me. that was when i really started to question my sanity, he had only looked at me, then he had looked away. uhtred wouldn't hurt me would he? no. stop. i chastised myself for the thoughts i was having but i couldn't help that i was skeptical. putting trust in someone was a difficult task. but despite what my conscious mind told me, my bones said that uhtred was a good man.

this new man guthred however, i had no feelings about. i had only seen the man, not talked to him. he seemed like any other slave with a bloodied face, no doubt from being striked for bad behaviour. i knew that feeling all too well. my bones were telling me nothing about him, but my brain told me i should stay alert. so i did.

i rose from my tent in the early light of the morning, my favourite time. though that was only when i was well rested. i felt as though i would explode if i stayed any longer in that tent. i doubted that hild had much rest because of my tossing and turning. at least by leaving she could get an hour or so more of sleep. leaving the tent, i enhaled the crisp morning air. the mornings were becoming warmer and lighter as summer approached and i appreciated the small things like this. the river was too near the whole camp to fully wash and so i settled with just cleaning my arms and legs.

i settled farther down the bank for a small modicum of privacy, and began to scrub at my legs. washing again? the average saxon would gasp at how many times i had washed within the last few days. they would say that vanity was a sin and not a virtue to possess. i honestly could not give two shits what i looked like at in that moment, but my skin constantly felt like it it didn't fit right on my body and i could feel the specks of dirt crawling over my skin. so i thought it best to wash, i hoped the average saxon was okay with that. stupid people and their stupid rules, i thought.

it seemed someone had had the same idea as me, what can i say i'm just so inspirational. i laughed at my own thoughts but then realised i must seem mad to any person watching. luckily the second washer was not watching me but washing their face in the river further upstream. looking closer i realised it was uhtred, looking solemn and tired washing the clay from last night off of his face. i was about to approach him when i noticed the furure king of cumbraland strollimg toward him.

as i was a good distance away from them i couldn't hear the conversation they were having, but guthred seemed to be thanking uhtred for saving him. from this one thing i could assume about the discussion was that uhtred would be dismissing any thanks he was given, as if any ordinary person would have done the same thing. but uhtred was not any ordinary person. i saw guthred hand uhtred some food.

as uhtred became more engaged with the conversation, i moved closer, having dried my legs. it seemed more interesting now, uhtred was confused as to why guthred had brought him the food. he explained that he felt indebted to uhtred as he had saved him. the next thing he did both shocked and didnt; guthred offered to make uhtred commander of his army. uhtred sighed and only agreed to it once guthred had confirmed he would raise an army against the lords of the north, kjartan, the brothers and uhtreds uncle, aelfric.

the men then parted, leaving eachother to think. i was grateful that i hadn't been spotted as i didn't want it to seem as though i had been spying on the conversation. i still didn't believe i had the whole of uhtreds trust, he was kind and i trusted him so far, but did he trust me? and the new king, he didn't know me at all. for all i knew he could turn quickly into a violent king that abuses his power and slaughters girls like me for breathing. i didn't know him and he didn't know me. yet.