Nightingale - Brainwashed by Hydra

Compound

When you arrived at the compound, you felt worse than on the way to it. Your body hurt a lot and all you wanted was to hide under a blanket and cry. Cry until your eyes were dry while your pillow wet.
"Hey", Bucky said and nudged you, making you look up.
"Hm?", you asked and saw Steve infront of you, "Oh. Uhm. Hi."
Steve smiled and said something but you didn't listen. How could you? Your mind and body were still with Rumlow and Hydra was probably on their way to get you.
Suddenly Bucky grabbed your arm which made your instincts kick in, grabbed your knife and pressed it against his throat.
As soon as you realized it was him, you lowered your knife and stepped back. "Sorry", you mumbled, trying to supress your tears and fear.
"It's okay, let's go to your new room", he said.

When he made his way through the corridor, you followed him closely and ended up in quite a big room. Maybe 16qm with a king size bed and a wardrobe along a whole wall. It rather looked like a wall with doors than a piece of furniture in a room. Opposite of the wardrobe was a big window wall.
"What do you think?", Bucky asked and walked to the window wall.
"I don't like it", you said low and Bucky chuckled.
"I'm not surprised; this room is probably half of your whole apartment. Still, I hope you can calm down here a little and make yourself comfortable."
You nodded and stared outside the window. The room was actually quite nice, it was just too big and empty. At least you could change the latter as soon as you knew for how long you'd stay. There was no reason to get comfortable if you'd leave it soon.
"What about you?", you asked and looked at Bucky who seemed like you caught him off guard.
"Me? What do you mean?"
"Where are you staying?"
"I am next door, room looks the same. If anything is wrong don't hesitate to come over. Just... ignore it when you hear me being loud or something. And leave if I seem to not be in my right mind", he said low and chuckled uncomfortably.
"Oh", you mouthed, understanding what he implied, which he didn't like. You weren't supposed to understand. He thought letting it sound like a joke would make you joke too yet still follow his words. No further questions or explanations. No knowledge of what's happening behind the scenes of the wonderful "healed" soldier.
He actually would have even preferred a questionnaire rather than understanding because he could simply say he didn't want to talk about it. But it wasn't the case and you saw in his face how ashamed and angry he was. Not at you, but himself.
"It's okay", you said after a couple seconds of silence. "I get it. It's tough. Don't worry." The words hang in the air like dust, you were never quite good in comforting people but you tried your best anyways. At least with the people you cared about.
"Just don't worry about me", Bucky said low and looked away.
"I will anyways", you replied and he furrowed his brows, "I care about you." Admitting it was difficult but you felt like it was necessary.
He turned away, showing you his back. "I'm fine."
"You're not. You wouldn't be in therapy otherwise."
"I didn't want to be there", he said coldly.
"You dropped out?", you asked, noticing the past tense.
"We did", he said and turned around. Your brows twitched a little in confusion. "We can't go back to her, y/n. It's not safe. The only chance was right after-" Rumlow, Bucky wanted to say but you interrupted him.
"Yeah, yeah I get it. Because they wouldn't go to her right away", you said low and sat down. "Shit..."
"What?", Bucky asked confused.
"They'll go to her. What if they-", you said but stopped, shaking your head.
"Hey, don't worry. S.H.I.E.L.D. will take care of it, okay?", Bucky tried to calm you down but it didn't quite help.
"I should have just died... Everybody is-"
"Y/n, no. Stop thinking that way. It's not your fault, you are the victim, okay? And it's good you're alive. You survived, you still do. And you can use it to kick their ass."
"What for? It doesn't matter. Nothing will happen and they will continue. There will be no charges because there is no evidence. We've got nothing, Bucky. Nothing. It's useless." You felt broken, sad and helpless. And most of all: hopeless.
Bucky stepped closer carefully to not scare you away. "That's not true. Even if it would be the case and we wouldn't get them: as long as you fight against them and don't let them control you any further, it's a win. Fight them, create a good life, and show yourself you're worthy. Because you are. You are worthy and so unbelievably strong. And if you continue doing that, they lose."
"They already won", you mumbled and looked down at your hands.
"No, they didn't. Their plan was to control and use you until they wouldn't need you anymore or until you die. But if you fight and create a good life for yourself, it's something they didn't want. Meaning, they lost. Don't let them win, please." Bucky's determined voice turned into a soft one at the end. You shrugged and Bucky took a deep breath. "I know you're hurt. I know what happened is too fresh and you need some time to process it. I know it's a lot, but don't let them win. Ever."
You sighed and fidgeted with your fingers.
"I'm sorry, I ruined everything", you said low.
"You didn't ruin anything, y/n. It was my decision to turn our lifes upside down", Bucky said, letting the spoken words linger in the air for a few seconds until continuing. "And I am happy I did."

It was in the middle of the night when you tossed and turned in your bed. Not because you couldn't fall asleep, but because of the nightmare you were having. Eventually Bucky knocked on your door because he wanted to be sure you were fine but when you didn't answer, he went back to his bed.
Though when he heard your door opening, it caught his attention and he listened closer. Just when he was sure your steps were getting quieter, he got up again and peeked out of his room to catch a glimpse of you walking around the corner. Sneaking behind you to make sure everything was fine, he noticed the opposite - you wore a jacket and your shoes while carrying your bag.
"Y/n", Bucky said and left his cover, making you turn around. "What are you doing?" He was worried, a lot, but he didn't want to show it.
Without answering, you continued your way and left Bucky behind.
"Y/n!", Bucky said firmer and louder, "You're going to tell me what the hell is going on right now!"
But you didn't care and kept going which is why Bucky ran up to you and grabbed your arm to make you stay. To his surprise, you didn't fight and instead turned around to face him. Your expression was blank and your gaze seemed to wander around, not quite catching anything in particular.
"Y/n...?", Bucky asked carefully and your gaze met his.
"I've got to go now", you said low and Bucky shook his head.
"Not before you tell me where."
"Back", you just said and Bucky sighed.
"Wherever you mean, you can't. Not to your apartment and definitely not... you know." Hydra.
"I have to go back", you said and wanted to continue leaving but Bucky didn't even think about letting you go.
"No", he said firmly.
"Let. Me. Go."
"No", Bucky repeated, and you grabbed his throat.
"I said: Let. Me. Go!"
Bucky turned slightly to the left and grabbed the edge of your right hand, twisting it upwards. You let go and kicked him but he didn't even wince.
"Leave me alone, Barnes", you hissed and he rolled his eyes, grabbed your arm and pulled you with him.
Though he didn't come far since you quite quickly freed yourself and ran in the opposite direction. Bucky immediately ran after you and tackled you to the ground, pinning you down.
"What's going on, Y/n?", he asked, not letting go.
"I have to go back, I told you", you said coldly and he shook his head, sighing.
"You're repeating yourself but you don't explain anything. Tell me why you have to go back."
"Because I have to", you just said.
"Because they want you to?", Bucky asked, though it was more a statement than a question, and you nodded. "Y/n, you're free. You don't have to go back. You're safe here."
"I have to go back", you repeated, making Bucky groan in frustration.
"We both will go back to your room now, okay?"
You shook your head in response.
"Y/n, please. Come on, don't let them win. We will keep you safe here and you don't have to get hurt ever again."
"I have to go back", you repeated again and Bucky felt quite helpless. The only upperhand he got was having you pinned down in this exact position. As soon as he'd move, you would know how to fight him since you were as trained as him. Also he had to make sure you couldn't reach your bag since there could be any weapons in it.
Bucky thought about his next move but every idea ended in you escaping. He sighed.
"Bucky...?", someone asked behind him and turned on the light. Steve.
"We've got a situation", Bucky said and Steve stepped closer.
"I can see that, though it looks like you are the situation", Steve teased.
"I just wanted to go outside", you lied.
"You are worrying too much, Buck. Let her go", Steve said and Bucky rolled his eyes.
"She wants to go back to Hydra", Bucky tried to explain.
"Why would she?"
"I'm not sure yet", Bucky said and studied your expressions. "I suppose it's due to her brainwash."
Steve hummed thoughtfully. "What if she truly wants to go back and you are taking away her free will?"
"That didn't stop you to get me back, so why is it different with her?"
"Because I had time to think about it now", Steve explained.
"If she truly wants to go back, she could wait a couple days, don't you think? Anyways, we should get her back", Bucky said, still not knowing how.
Steve sighed, not liking the situation all of you were in. "Fine."
Steve helped Bucky get you to your room and while Bucky stayed with you, Steve decided to stay at Bucky's room to be able to help if necessary.