Nightingale - Brainwashed by Hydra

Group session

It was your 4th group session though this time no one else besides you and Bucky came.
"Alright, looks like it's just us", the therapist said when she sat down, "And I really hope you won't just say nothing to each other. Because, as you can guess, this is a group session and I am not here to talk off your ears."
You supressed a grin, knowing way too well that neither you nor Bucky would say a word.
"Did you both practice opening up to anyone?", the therapist asked and looked to Bucky who just stared at her, then looked at you. Your gaze immediately went down to the ground.
"No", Bucky said.
"Why not?", the therapist asked sighing.
"It's not professional to get annoyed by your patient", Bucky teased.
"Client", the therapist corrected, "however, if you want to get better, you have to do your homework. I can't just heal you, the work has to be done buy no one else than you."
"Oh, so he can heal me?", you teased.
"What?", the therapist asked confused and looked at you.
"You said that you can't heal, but he can. Goddamn, James, why didn't you heal me right when we met, eh? I wouldn't need to come here anymore", you said and couldn't supress a little chuckle.
Bucky huffed and tried to hide his laughter behind a cough.
The therapist on the other hand took a deep breath, finally realizing that neither he nor you tried to be serious. "You want to team up? Good, because then you'd finally talk. So, go for it, make fun of me."
"But that's no fun", you pouted and Bucky pressed his lips tight to not laugh at this stupid situation.
"Then let's go back to our regular session", the therapist said and leaned back in the chair. Rolling your eyes you leaned back too and took a deep breath.
"Jamie boy, why didn't you do your homework?", you teased and Bucky glared at you darkly.
"Why didn't you, babygirl?", he asked back.
"Stop. Don't you dare-", you hissed slowly and interrupted yourself to take a deep breath.
Even though you didn't look at him, you could feel his stare immensely.
"In and out, y/n", the therapist reminded you, when you held your breath without noticing.
"If you want to go outside for a minute that's fine. Just come back again, okay?"
"No, no I'm fine", you said after taking another deep breath and looked up at her, then over to Bucky who still coldly looked at you, yet you could see a hint of confusion on his face.
"I'm fine", you repeated, still looking at him, hinting to not wanting to talk about it.
"Tell me at least what I should avoid."
It was only fair to let him know what he shouldn't do in your presence but at the same time you didn't want anyone to know that something was wrong, no matter what.
"It's okay. I just overreacted", you said and could feel that your therapist wanted to say something but Bucky was faster.
"No, tell me what I should avoid."
"Triggers can't always be avoided", you said cold and fast, he sighed.
"Y/n, listen, I just don't want to hurt you by accident. I already hurt enough people."
"Triggers-"
"Y/n. No. It's not a big deal to avoid something that obviously made you at least feel uncomfortable."
You sighed.
"Fine. Don't call me any petnames", you mumbled, feeling uncomfortable setting boundaries.
"Okay", he just said and studied your body language while you just stared at the ground, trying to 'get it together' and not get flooded by anything Hydra related. But the memories came anyways, no matter how much you tried to fight it.
"Please... please don't", you begged, kneeling on the ground. "Oh come on, babygirl. Take it like a good girl does."
"Y/n, hey", you heard your therapist saying while slightly shaking your shoulder. You immediately got up and stepped away from her.
"I told you not to touch me!", you said a little bit too loud and Bucky got up as well, holding up his hands to show you he wasn't a threat.
"She just wanted to get you out of this... whatever that was", Bucky tried but the therapist chimed in right away.
"No, you're right, y/n, I shouldn't have touched you. I'm sorry. Next time I'll wait until I get a positive response from you, okay?"
'So she asked me, I just didn't hear it...', you thought.
"I'm gonna leave now", you said and grabbed your bag, making your way to the door.
"Wait", Bucky said which made you stop in your tracks, "you lost your book."
When you turned around, your gaze immediately went to the small notebook on the ground, then to Bucky who definitely had seen what was written on it. Or... written and crossed out (though some more than others), to be specific.
》Fuck this hell! Fuck you Hydra! Hail Hydra. Nightingale. Dead. Lost. Help me.《
Though one word wasn't crossed out: Pain.
Trying to keep your cool, since Bucky already saw it anyways, you walked over, grabbed the book and put it back into your bag.
"Y/n", he said low when you wanted to walk back to the door, "you don't have to get into detail, I just... want to know if you are working with Hydra." It sounded like his voice was almost stuck in his throat.
"Hydra is dead", you said not very convincing.
"Are they really or are you lying?", Bucky asked, knowing the answer.
When you turned around to look at him, you noticed him holding his breath and you knew he knew. But you also knew he was scared and angry.
"James-"
"No! I want to know if you're lying", he pressured, having every right to do so.
"They are... they... they are down, but not dead", you said fast yet low, looking down.
"So it was all for nothing!", he said loudly and kicked his chair against the wall.
"James, I do not tolerate this behaviour", the therapist warned and Bucky apologized.
"So, you're working with them", Bucky stated.
"The hell I do", you mumbled, getting angry at this whole situation but especially because you felt so trapped.
"I don't understand you", he said, "just tell me what you know."
"If I tell you too much, I die."
"If you don't tell me anything it's gonna be me who kills you!", he said angry and got another warning.
You clenched your fists and wished you could just punch that cute little face of his but you knew he was stronger in every aspect and it would trigger you immensely.
"Then do it so I could finally be free", you whispered and Bucky's expression turned into a shocked one.
"Okay, that's enough", the therapist said and stepped between you, "we should end the session here."
But even though she was standing between you, it didn't mean you both stopped looking at each other.
"I don't want it", you just said, meaning Hydra, and turned around to leave.
"Let's get a coffee to calm down", Bucky said calm, even warm, which confused you in every way possible. Turning around you saw the same confusion in the therapists face.
"I don't think that's a good id-", the therapist said but got interrupted by you.
"Fine."
Bucky nodded took his bag and you both left the room, leaving the worried and confused therapist behind.