Ashes (Of the Earth Series)

Requiem - Pt 2

I dropped the radio and pulled my jeans on, grabbing my pistol and tucking it into my waistband.

I made my way to my closet and grabbed an old military jacket that had been Finn's fathers'. It hung off my frame loosely, but it gave me a sense of strength I didn't possess anymore. Slipping on some boots and some old jeans that were too big for me, I made my way to the door, hopping from foot to foot as I went.

My heart hammered in my chest as I stepped out into the crisp night air, the moon illuminating the dry grass with an eerie silver glow.

When I arrived at the source of the shots, the kid was already laid up against a tree, eyes wide with fear and confusion. He was young; maybe ten years old at most. The smell of burnt flesh filled the air. A bullet hole in his leg was oozing... Red. Dammit. I cursed under my breath. I wanted to turn away - but that would be cowardly. "Lead when you have to."

"What's your name, kid?" I asked softly, getting down on one knee beside him. His eyes darted around wildly before settling on me.

"My name's Liam." His voice was barely a whisper.

"Well Liam..." I took a deep breath and in a fluid motion, pulled my pistol out and aimed it directly at his temple, feeling the kickback of the small pistol as it discharged into his brain. His body slowly slumped to one side.

The silence wrapped around us like a suffocating blanket for just a moment before it was pierced by another shot ringing out - from behind me this time. Dirt kicked up by my feet where the bullet struck. With a growl, I whirled around, raising my gun...only to see Finn bearing down on me with his own weapon pointed straight at me. "Kendall!" He barked, "You didn't have to do that."

But I knew he didn't understand; there was no other way out for the boy. He gently lowered his weapon and nodded to the others as they removed what remained of Liam's body from sight.

"What the fuck was that?" Finn grabbed me by the arm. I shrugged angrily, yanking my arm from his grasp.

"We had no way to treat him. I told you to shoot him, Finn, not maim him. It would have sucked to find out he was human, but it would have been instant. Instead, he spent his last minutes in pain."

Finn glared at me and huffed. "You're less like your brother than I thought. Wonder how many of us you would have left for dead or worse, huh?"

His words stung, but I didn't let them cut too deeply. "I hate to break it to you, Finn, but I never claimed that I was or could be like my brother. You lot did." I gestured at the still shocked faces around me. "I'm not Alec, okay? And I'm not okay. I'm not okay, and I'm not fucking sorry. I did what I thought was best. You want hunky dory secret utopia at the end of the world? Don't come asking me for solutions then. Figure it the fuck out."

I turned and walked deeper into the woods. "Kendall!" Mathis called out. "Kendall, come on! Let's talk about this! You can't bottle shit like this, kid! See where it leads? You just shot a fucking ten year old in the face!"

He wasn't wrong, but I couldn't do it now.

The sound of footsteps behind me slowed and eventually faded as I kept walking.

After a while, I found myself beside the riverbank, sitting on a rock that stuck out into the water. The cool current lapped against my ankles as I buried my face in my hands. My heart raced like it always did after those moments, but my mind felt empty for once.

I didn't know why I continued to survive like this. The world had changed so much... And yet, here I was, still fighting for something I couldn't name.

Sighing heavily, I dropped my head against the rock face and closed my eyes, feeling the cold water pushing against me with every breath. A few tears slipped from between my eyelids before I could stop them, falling into the river below with soft splashes.

The night was silent again, save for the rustling of the tall grasses that lined the riverbank and the faint echo of Finn's voice in my head: "You're less like your brother than I thought."

And why should I be? I never wanted to be a hero.

A familiar creature uncurled in the pit of my stomach, angry, covered in thorns and dripping with guilt and hate. It had taken up residence at about the same time we had returned for Alec's body and found it missing. It was foul and heavy, ruining my appetite and peace of mind at every moment it had the opportunity to do so. It stretched inside, making its presence known. Loudly.

Neither did he.

Yeah, but he could handle it!

He thought you could, too.

Doesn't matter, he was wrong.

That's up to you.

I huffed, already irritated with arguing with myself. I shut out the intrusive thoughts, forcing the little monster in my gut to go back to sleep. It didn't work. It never did.

I had no desire to go back and rejoin the group, but I knew that they'd find me here eventually. They always did.

Sure enough, after a while, footsteps crunching twigs and leaves reached my ears, growing louder until they stopped beside me. Mathis cleared his throat softly. "Hey... You ok?"

"No," I muttered, flicking water at him as he sat down on the rock next to me. "But then again... None of us are."

He nodded slowly, balancing himself on the rock before speaking. "I know it's hard, man... I just want you to know that we all miss him too."

"I don't need your fucking pity."

Mathis gave me a small grin that never reached his eyes. "It ain't pity." He shrugged, looking out into the river. "It's understanding."

The silence stretched between us once more as we let the current wash over our feet and the night wash over us.

"Finn and I decided to call this a one off," he finally said quietly, setting his jaw grimly as he looked at me straight on. "I'm gonna head back. You sure you're okay out here?"

I nodded glumly. "Not gonna throw myself in the river if that's what you're worried about."

He snorted, shaking his head and standing up. "Alright then. See you in the morning."

"Yeah, see you in the morning."

He gave me one last look before turning and walking away into the night, disappearing after a few minutes of quiet crunching. I was left alone once again.

The night was cool and clear, but not as cold as it could have been. The stars glittered above me – I used to love looking up at them back when cities still dotted the skyline. Alec and I would sit and he would show me things through his telescope. Now, they just reminded me of what we'd lost.