His Patient || Jonathan Crane x Reader - Book 1

You Reap What You Sew

Everything seemed to be going fine -fantastic, actually- between Jonathan and I up until last week, when he got news of my attack.

He had been walking on egg shells around me, worried that anything he said, or did, would hurt me. He looked at me like I was a broken toy.

I could read the guilt on his face like an open book, it was obvious, but he tried not to show it. I, eventually growing bored of his worry though, finally said something.

"It wasn't that bad. The bruise isn't even noticeable anymore."

Jonathan continued with his blank stare, clearly thinking of a million different things.

"Jonathan," I sighed, walking over to his desk to rest my hands over his shoulders.

He shrugged me off, opening his mouth to say something but stopped himself.

"Do you blame yourself?" I asked him, worried that his answer might be-

"Yes," he answered simply.

I sighed, breathing deeply, "You shouldn't."

His face, finally turning to look at mine, showcased confusion.

"It's not your fault."

"It is, he wouldn't have even known about you if it weren't for me."

"That doesn't make it your fault, I was the one that hurt him."

"You don't understand, Y/n. This was never about hurting you, it was about hurting me."

"Why would he think-"

"We couldn't have been more obvious," Jonathan groaned, "He saw how close we were... He knew, that's why he hurt you, Y/n, because he knew it would hurt me even more because..."

Jonathan and I's relationship had never been established. What we were was as much of a mystery to me as it was to outsiders. Despite this, despite our lack of communication about the matter though, I knew one thing; the only thing that really mattered. I knew that he loved me.

And right then and there, it was starting to sound like he might finally say it,

"Because I need you, Y/n," he sighed, pushing himself away from his desk, "You're the only one that can help me take down the Batman."

Jonathan's lack of communication with the girl wasn't on purpose, how could it ever be? He was just scared and oh, "How ironic," he'd think. The man that feeds on people's unoriginal, boring fears has a low level fear of his own, commitment if you could believe it.

He didn't say it, Y/n realized, but with that, she was okay. She had grown used to it, after all, but it didn't mean it hurt her any less. She had already said it to him, albeit at maybe the wrong time, but she still said it.

She did love him and he loved her; but there was a problem. It was, perhaps, the only other thing, besides his fear of commitment, that was stopping Jonathan from telling her. It was Carmine Falcone, it was the Batman, and it was every villain and vigilante that may threaten her life if they found out about their relationship.

She was his one and only weakness, the only thing he had left to lose and, if he was being completely honest, he despised her for that. How dare Y/n take his heart and taunt him with it? How dare she make him worry about her every day? How dare she make him fall in love?

"I can't protect you," Jonathan admitted, lowering his head down.

"He only choked me, Jonathan. He was too stupid to-"

"Only?" Jonathan mumbled, picking up his head.

Y/n stepped closer to him, sighing heavily. And before she could say the speech she had just prepared, Jonathan pushed her back, using his free hand to grip tightly onto her neck,

"Only?" he repeated. "Tell me this is nothing, Y/n. Tell me this doesn't hurt you. Tell me you aren't fearing for your life right now."

Jonathan's grip on the girl's neck tightened, his thumb pressing down causing her to gasp loudly.

"Jo- Jonny..." she gasps, using her hands to try prying his away. Why she didn't use her mind was, to her, entirely obvious. She didn't want to hurt him; not like he was hurting her.

"Please..." she sobbed, her eyes tearing up.

"Tell me this is nothing!"

"Let go," she begged, after deciding that she'd never resort to using her ability on him again, even if it meant dying.

"No," he spat, deciding something of his own, "You need to let me go."

He carefully removed his grip from her neck, trying not to hurt her anymore, "This isn't working, we won't be seeing each other outside of our sessions anymore."

"What..?" Y/n's eyes began tearing up, much more than they did when he was choking her.

"I don't understand," she replied, even though she definitely did.

"This is for you, Y/n. For your protection."

"Really!" she scoffed, "Are you sure this isn't about you and your fear of fucking commitment?"

"That's not-"

"Then tell me right now, Jonathan. Tell me you don't love me and I promise you I will never, ever bother you again. I'll leave right now and only ever come back as your patient but you need to say it."

"Y/n..."

"SAY IT!" she screamed, the white of her eyes reddening and the veins in her face popping.

He stood silently, not moving a muscle, contemplating his choices despite having made a decision already.

"Say you don't love me," she choked, "Say you never did. Say you were only using me, Jonathan. Because I can't just walk away from this relationship otherwise. Say that I really am just nothing but a weapon to use on the Batman."

Oh how he could've just fell to his knees there and begged for her forgiveness. He promised he would never hurt her, he promised he would never lie to her again, how he wished he could apologize for making her doubt his intentions. And oh how he hated what he was about to do.

"I don't," he gulped, looking away from her, "I never did, you're my patient. And you really are just a weapon to me."

And though he implied it, he never really said that he didn't love her, but that didn't matter to Y/n because, in that moment, she hated him.