Short Story Competition 2024 [CLOSED]

Entry 8 - 𝑪𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒎

Author: Autumn

Genres: Historical fiction, Romance

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Right off the bat I have to say that the way you wrote the story, as in your writing style and sentence structure, is very good and makes a pleasant read. The story has a really enjoyable flow to it.

I don't understand why at the beginning Liana wants David to leave her alone, yet shortly after calls him her savior. I just found that a bit strange.

This is really a personal preference, but I don't like it when romance stories include a main love interest who promises unrealistic things. It sounds strange and possessive to me rather than romantic. That's just my opinion though, this piece of 'advice' (if it can even be called that) can be ignored lol.

I enjoy how you described the playful relationship between David and Liana. It shows how they genuinely like to spend time together and their relationship is not merely based on lust.

Lol personally I didn't find the knuckle kissing sweet, but that's just me! Simple kiss on the hand would do for me. (Just a personal opinion again, not proper criticism). Why does Liana find his sweet side shocking though, when she had a sweet moment with him earlier in the story? She must've experienced it before if she said she liked this side of him.

Where was David standing if Liana didn't notice him at the coronation, but he was the first one to run up and save her? I was wondering about it when I read it. What exactly happened to Liana? As a reader it feels strange when you're left in the dark about such an important detail in the story.

I like how you can see Liana's battle of how she has the urge to use her authority over the people, but yet tries to fight against it. I suppose it would be hard to do so when you know you have an influence for things to go your way. Exploring that concept in more depth in a separate story would be very interesting.

There were barely any mistakes that I noticed. Looking over the text now I can only find that you wrote 'costed' instead of 'cost'. So well done there.

What I find strange is how Liana and David acted, yet Liana seems to only realise that she loves him after he confesses. He would kiss her knuckles, hold her waist, put his forehead against her etc. I really don't understand that. He also was shocked that she liked him back. I really do not understand how if she let him do everything that he did before. Is it not obvious? If I am misunderstanding something, please let me know.

Good job! I am looking forward to hopefully reading more of your stories in the future. Thank you for joining!

SallyWriter :)