Leaving All I've Ever Known (Camren)

20. Mine's Lauren

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flashback

September 2015

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"You get to marry your celebrity crush..."

I immediately turn my paddle to the 'Worth it' side, already knowing the answer to the unfinished question.

" ... but your family doesn't approve of it and doesn't go to the wedding."

My hand stretches up, and I raise my paddle higher into the air. I'd do mostly anything to be with my celebrity crush. Luckily, I don't have to, since she's my girlfriend and is sitting a couple seats away from me.

Fifth Harmony have had a crazy year - we've recently finished our Reflection tour, went on Jimmy Kimmel and released a song for the movie Hotel Transylvania 2. So now we're doing a mini press tour just before we announce we'll be recording our new album, 7/27.

And usually I'd be in a better mood about this, but my very new and not yet official manager, Roger, has been generously helping us out with a couple of things. It has unfortunately put a bit of a strain on the band, and a tighter one on my relationship.

"Who would it be?"

My attention is drawn back to the young interviewer, who's curious to know who that celebrity is. Unfortunately, It's not something I'm able to share.

"I can't say."

"You can't say?"

"I can't say." I repeat. "But it's important."

And it is. Lauren has always been my celebrity crush to me. I may have playfully let it sometimes slip, but now that it's real, I feel like it's a fact best served keeping a secret. For now, anyway.

"Not worth it." Normani answers.

"What?! Oh my god!" I look around and notice the rest of the girls holding up their paddles to the 'Not Worth it' side. Including Lauren. "Wait, am I the only one that was just like, 'absolutely', with no hesitation? I literally was just like -" I raise my paddle in the air again for emphasis.

"Your family would not go to the wedding." Normani intersects.

"But it's real love. I would do that even if it wasn't my celebrity crush. Like, if it was just somebody that I -"

"- Well, he just said it's your celebrity crush." Lauren states. She very much takes these interviews seriously, mainly because of all the rumours about us. "I'm not down for that."

"Ohh, you're assuming that you won't be in love with your celebrity crush?"

"Well, it's just my celebrity crush. It has no basis on feelings at the moment. It's just like, you wouldn't marry your celebrity crush just because it's your celebrity crush."

"Ohh, I thought the statement is that I would be in love with my celebrity crush..."

Having better got a grasp of what the interviewer asked, as he hadn't specified if you are in love with the celebrity crush or not (not that it makes a difference to me),I concede, happy to move onto the next question.

That is, until Lauren closes the question herself with one, final response.

"I'm not in love with mine."

You can understand when a pang hits my chest, as everyday I get closer and more confident with the thought of being open about Lauren. But with her, it's 1 step forward and 2 steps back.

It wouldn't hurt for her to loosen up and, for once, not care so much about how the world sees her. Especially not when it's me who always seems to be the one getting hurt.