Emotions Season

reflections

Emotions season, deadly time,
I don't even know how to act,
My mind isn't at any pace,
I feel every single thing,
Death, every time I feel,
And then I hurt,
It's worse than screaming,
Speaking up all my words,
Speaking as if you're not worth,
Just for later for you to leave,
And don't worry,
I'll blame it on me.

I never really cared about myself,
Rather die in my own thoughts,
And maybe die all alone,
I always ruin all, I swear,
I've been bad for health,
I am a disease for all your love,
And I talk like I'd show strength,
I never do, it's  like I'm wrecked,
It doesn't matter, it always ends.

I hate the way I am,
More than you do,
It doesn't even matter
You will be gone.

I don't blame on anyone.
Seriously, it is my fault,
For being afraid to speak,
And then hurting you,
It makes you feel sick,
I never talk of how I do think,
Afraid of feelings,
Hating them more than me,
Why it hurts to think to deep,
And why it doesn't hurt when I bleed?

I am sorry for who I am,
The wish to not have to cry,
When I do something wrong,
It always happens,
I swear I have to stop,
I wished I wouldn't love the way I do,
Just later to tell you all my lies,
And to let the truth all die,
I don't like the way I think,
I could've been so much better,
I don't know, I'd rather leave,
Again loving to be lonesome,
Never getting to hurt a thing,
I won't ruin your own mind,
You'll be happy I'll be happy,
So pleasant for me, so pleasant for you.

Doing the same mistakes
Nothing ever really changes,
My tears don't cause me pain,
But my words will cost me angels.

Destroying everything I love,
It feels like I am cursed,
I don't deserve somebody's heart,
I'll protect it for a time,
Just for what? To break it afterwards?
I am a no-one with no hope,
But I'd love to see you smiling,
While I am shaking, hiding, crying.

I am so little when I look at all these trees,
They will love much more than I ever did,
Is it okay if I say that I am a complete sin?
Which one provides true healing?