Emotions Season

All the poems I couldn't give you

I like to watch how I burn,
To the moment I despise myself,
Can't even call them silenced thoughts,
When I'm starting to assume,
I know you like that too.

How vulnerable you want me to be?
Do you want me screaming to the point,
I can hardly find my words,
Trembling on the floor alone,
To the point I'll tell the truth,
Begging for forgiveness,
Of the sins I never committed,
Would you love to watch me bleeding,
To the point I'll have no breathing,
That I'll say "I'm defetead",
Will you shout before the ending,
That you loved to see me twisted?

You know how to play me,
Knowing very well what you're doing,
But what if I stop moving,
Would you be good at shooting?

And you won't even realise,
When I'll be gone forever,
I'll feel again happy,
You won't even miss me,
And I am scared of
all the poems I couldn't give you,
They were too true to punishment,
I bled for happiness,
Oh, how I relished it,
When I was being shriveled,
Sickened and weakened,
In the moment you flew so far.

I admit that I liked,
When you tore me apart,
I had a reason to find,
The true reason for a smile,
I also adored,
The time that I was dying,
I saw crime and blood,
And I only wanted more,
Wanted to see and feel pain,
It made me feel alive,
It felt like you apologized,
You would never do that,
And, in fact,
It never lasted.

Was it amusing
To witness me bruising,
Over a whole new version of you?
Or did you enjoy it,
Like your love for lying,
You held all in you,
You held in that shining?