After the Lair

In My Own Little Corner

|| Christine Daae ||

We had gone. We had left. I clung to Raoul as we pulled up to his Manor. He was clearly troubled. Even more so then at the Opera House.

Something was wrong, and is had to wait until he voiced it.

"Did you go with the man you loved, or the man you wanted to save?" He looked at me. I debated between the truth and the answer he wanted-maybe even needed to hear. I looked inside Raoul's eyes. They were no longer kind, or compassionate. There was a bloodthirsty gleam in his eyes. They were not the eyes of the fourteen year old boy who was at the sea when I lost my scarf and definitely not the man from the Opera Box.

I suddenly felt justified. He would've killed my Angel if I hadn't left with him.

"Raoul, look at me. I did what I must. I saved you and you here with me and that is all that matters." I go to hug him, breathing in his cologne, but the darkness of earlier infiltrated all of my senses.

"Do you love me?" Raoul asked, barely a whisper.

"Raoul, I-"

"Christine Daae, do you love me?"

"Raoul, please understand that I never..." My voice trailed off and I felt his hands push me away. I looked at him and looked at the tears in his eyes. None of them fell and then sadness was short lived. I felt his hands shaking on my shoulders. I put my hands on his and felt him pull away.

"Get off of me. Make yourself useful and get me a drink." He did not yell, but the fury interlaced in his voice shone through so strongly that he might as well have.

I didn't know alcohol. I did not drink. Neither had my father or my mother as far as I know. I didn't now what to bring him so I poured something in a cup and brought the bottle, just in case.

"Raoul?"

"What is it?" he asked, harshly.

"I don't... I don't know." I gave it to him and watched him drink. I saw his eyes roll back and the shaking in his hands began to intensify.

"Another."

"Raoul, I don't think that is very smar-"

"NOW!"

I did as he said. He drank slowly and seemed to savor it, but not enough to stop.

It was frightening, actually; the way he drank. He did it with such ease and he didn't seem to care how drunk he got. I suppose I understood why he would want to drink that much. Tonight was awful. I wanted to forget all of it. All of it, that is, except that kiss. The Phantom and I's kiss.

How could I love a man when I didn't even know his name? It was quite easy to, actually. His name was just another thing to add to his...perfection. My goodness, he was perfect. The deformation...it was something, something that made him seemed flawed, but not to me. If anything, it made me love him even more.

I love him. I wasn't ready to tell myself that a few mere hours ago, but now...now I knew without a shadow of a doubt.

Now the question stood. Do I leave Raoul, leave light and security? Do I run to music, darkness, passion and unpredictability? Yes...much rather that than an unhealthy drinking problem.

I ran to the closet to pack a small suitcase-nothing to large to weigh me down, but enough to have something to wear.

I heard him stumble through the doorway. I hesitantly looked up at him, trying to hide the suitcase. Oh my gosh, he was a wreck. His hair was tussled in every which way, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks were flushed. He then whispered:

"Kiss me."

I could smell the liquor pouring off of him, and I knew the seriousness of my situation. He was so drunk that if I kissed him, I would be bare and alone in minutes. But I couldn't refuse him...

He walked towards me and I did not step back, because if I had, I would've been hurt sooner.

"I hate to be kept waiting."

I didn't know...oh dear. I was stuck.

"I can't. I won't do it." I said, defiantly. I regretted it immediately.

"But what if I was a musical genius, who killed and seduced and wore a mask and KIDNAPPED YOU for hell's sake. What then?"

"I wouldn't.."

"Another drink," he said.

I walked out of the room to the empty bottle. How was I to tell him? What would he do to me?

"We're out. You drank it all."

I didn't expect it to hurt that much. I didn't expect it in my stomach. I stayed standing, but barely.  I never expected Raoul to punch me. Oh my gosh, what if he hits me again?

"You're worthless." He slapped me down. Was it just because he was drunk? Would it become regular?

I fell to the floor, the wind knocked out of me.

I heard something. I heard him come in and yell at Raoul. He came for me. He came...he loved me. He truly loved me...he came...I heard Raoul hit the floor and my heart fluttered. He was here and real and...

I opened my eyes, expecting to see my saving grace, but he wasn't there. He wasn't here. He wasn't coming. He was never going to come to find me, or to save me. I was stuck here forever.

"We'll be parted forever...he won't let me go...What I once used to dream I now dread." I whispered.

That's when Raoul came back in and slapped me and beat me for falling asleep and being alive. Bruises and cuts were forming across me and I JUST WANTED TO DIE. DEAR FATHER. LET ME DIE! I wanted him here. I wanted him to save me. I wanted my Angel of Music.

I cowered into the corner of the room.

It doesn't matter now, though. If it's not me, it him. I didn't know why, but I would've rather been beaten a thousand times than see Raoul lay a harming finger on him. Still the same thought ran through my head...

I need the Phantom of the Opera.