What if We Don't Die?

Chapter 5

Lexie was bored out of her mind, having to lie still in that hospital bed all day, unable to move her legs or even feel them. She was glad, though, because she knew that the numbing painkillers spared her a lot of pain, since her legs had been crushed and basically rebuilt by Callie. The orthopedic surgeon had operated on her twice already but she was nowhere near done. And Lexie hated that. She just wanted her life back.

Mark was discharged five days ago. However, he was there with her all the time because he wasn't cleared for surgery yet. He had to fully recover first and then be evaluated by a psychologist later. And besides, he didn't want to go back to work yet. He wanted to stay with Lexie at all times. That fear inside him that he could lose her, that need to protect her, it was still there, and he had no idea how to deal with it. The only thing that helped was being with her. He watched over her at all times. There was no other way to soothe his worries.

They were talking a lot, making plans for the future about a wedding and kids. They were dreaming about the life they would build—that they could build because she had survived.

Mark noticed the look that would sometimes creep onto Lexie's face. She was worried that she wouldn't be able to experience everything they were talking about in that way, that her life would never be normal again. He wanted to reassure her that everything would be fine, but she hadn't even communicated what was going on in her head, the happy smile would just turn into a sad one from one second to the other. But he had the ability to read her like an open book, he always had. He knew he had to wait for her to want to talk about it.

They were also hatching plans to get April and Jackson together, which was harder than they thought. Both were stubborn and unable to communicate when it came to talking to each other about their feelings. But they weren't going to give up. They were just as stubborn and stupid only weeks ago and they still got their happy ending, so will these two.

—

Lexie had sent Mark home to freshen up since he hadn't left her room for two days. She wanted him to get a few hours of proper sleep, not on a hard hospital chair, to take a shower and change into fresh clothes. Even though it had been a hard task to convince him that she could be left alone for an hour or two, she had managed to do so.

She needed him to think about himself from time to time too. He was spending all his energy on her. And as much as she loved to have him around every second, as much as she needed him to stay sane through this mess, she also felt selfish for keeping him from living his life. Just because her life was going to stay still for the next few months, didn't mean his had to as well.

But now, after he had left, promising he would hurry and be back before she even knew it, she was alone and had time to think, which she desperately tried to avoid. Because if her mind drifted off to the events of the plane crash, she feared she might break. She couldn't take those flashbacks. When a gun was just aiming at her but had missed, she had massive PTSD and had to be admitted to the psych ward. What would happen now, after she had laid crushed under a damn plane for hours and nearly died? No, she couldn't even go there; it was just a thought away from the event, too risky.

To her luck, Jackson suddenly came through the door, greeting her with a "Hey," as he went over to check her vitals.

She didn't know Mark had sent Jackson to watch over her while he was gone. But Jackson still cared for her, so he would have done it anyway, without him asking. He would always have some feelings for Lexie because despite the end of their relationship, it was a great experience and it was good for both of them, just what they had needed at the time. They were simple. Not like Mark and Lexie, who had their hurdles and dismissers from the start, or like Jackson and April who tried so hard to convince themselves they were just best friends because they didn't want to risk their friendship. But that was the thing, true love wasn't always simple, and most certainly not easy. It was messy and complicated and all-consuming, and it was true.