I'll Be Back

Grief Is The Price We Pay For Love

"Can you pick up Lia from the Lancaster's and stay over tonight at the house? I have a very late shift." Jennie says into the phone that is wedged in-between her ear and shoulder as she writes vitals down on a chart. She hears a long frustrated sigh on the other end. The sounds of the hospital fill her other ear. The beeping of different machines, the squeaky wheels of a wheelchair or roll-away bed, various people coughing.

"Jennie. This is the fourth day in a row. Not even that, you've been doing this for weeks. You're going to burn out." Lily says exasperated. Jennie can hear the silent lesson she's trying to get across. You're not grieving properly. But she needs to work. She has two kids at home and it's now only her salary that they are living off of. She has a mortgage, utility bills, groceries, everyday essentials that she alone has to pay for now. Jennie clenches her jaw as she stops writing on the chart.

"Can you do it or not?" Jennie snaps. She hears a sigh.

"Yeah I can. Jeff will stay with me and the kids tonight. What time does the shift end?" Lily relents. Jennie starts writing again as she thinks about when the shift ends. Technically it end at two am but Jennie is planning on pushing it to six am.

"Six. You don't have to stay for the day. I'll call my dad and have him stay with Lia while i'm sleeping." Jennie then sees the light of a patient needing assistance in one of the rooms. She waits for Lily's reply before letting her know that she has to go. Once Lily confirms Jennie hangs up the phone starts walking to the room. It's Mrs. Davis, a neighbor of hers who was admitted after having a heart attack. She slightly hates going into her room because she just looks at Jennie with nothing but pity and sympathy. She doesn't need anymore of that right now. She just needs to get her job done, sleep, then do it all over again. It's how she's surviving. So she goes into Mrs. Davis room, avoids her eyes as she helps her to the bathroom, checks her pace maker, then lets her know to hit the button if she needs anything else. She exits and makes her way back to the nurses station to fill more charts and wait for more patient lights to turn on. As the night settles in, she changes a few bedpans, administers pain medicine when needed, has conversations with the ones who are not from around here. Soon it's quiet, most of the patients have fallen asleep. Jennie sighs and starts eating her sandwich at the nurses station. She flips through more charts double checking and triple checking that everything is correct. She does every mindless task throughout the night to keep her mind off of having to go home to an essentially lifeless house.

Soon enough, six am rolls around and after doing one last check up on everyone on her floor, she heads home. Before getting into her car she shoots her father a text to be at the house to watch Lia and help Aden get ready for school. He replies that he's leaving now and Jennie lays her head back on the head rest for a minute, taking a deep breath. She closes her eyes and sees a brief flash of doe eyes, then reopens them. She clenches her jaw and takes one more deep breath before starting the car. She drives down the streets, people getting ready to go to work entering their vehicles and waving to Jennie. Jennie just smiles politely at every wave before finally getting to her home. Her father's car already parked in the driveway, Lily and Jeff's long gone. Jennie stares at the home for a minute. It looks so unchanged from the outside, no one would ever know how different the atmosphere is inside. Jennie shuts off the engine and grabs her bag on the passenger seat before exiting the vehicle. She enters the house and finds her father sitting on the couch reading a book-one of Lisa's books with the TV off. For some reason this makes Jennie a little irritated.

"Can you put that back please?" Jennie snaps a little. Jake looks up, a little surprised at Jennie's tone. Reluctantly he nods and gets up to put the book back in its spot on the book shelf. Jennie makes her way into the kitchen to deposit her bag on the kitchen table. Jake isn't far behind her.