My Broken YOU

A Better Version

Feeling whatever this feeling is inside of me for Mason is like a rollercoaster. He can make me nervous, make me feel safe, or scared all in one sitting with him. I don't get it, but maybe it's because this is new to him and me. But meeting with his dad is an entirely different situation. I'm nervous as hell as I sit here waiting for him.

I take a drink of my water, my eyes analyzing the surrounding tables. It's a fancier restaurant and people look like they are either millionaires or just enjoy looking wealthy. Some of the dresses on these women look like it would take me a year to come up with the money just to rent one. Mason makes it clear that his black dress shirt and tan dress pants fit in with everyone.

My eyes stay focused on his as he glances back at the entrance. A man with a grey beard and clean-cut grey hair walks in. Mason stands and waves. That must be his father. He's handsome for his age. He has a full suit on, black with a red tie. His baby blue eyes do not match his grey hair but do suit him nicely. He's taller than Mason and has a warm smile just like Mason does.

"The famous Madison Harlow I presume?" He warmly asks and holds out his hand. "Lyle Pembrook!"

I stand and step around the table, reaching my hand out to shake his. "I wouldn't say famous." I nod and smile. "Just a normal girl."

"No!" He argues playfully. "Don't make yourself sound like you're not someone. You are the first girl in history to hold down my boy. He's an amazing kid but damn he doesn't believe in love. So, when I heard you were the one to get him to settle down, I wasted no time convincing him to bring you to dinner. I had to meet the girl who finally convinced my boy that love can be a real thing."

"It's not love, Dad," Mason argues and lightly shakes his head but reaches for my hand underneath the table as I sit back down. "We felt a connection and figured we'd give it a try."

"Mason, if I looked in your little black book, which, by the way, you should burn that thing, that book probably has over a thousand girls just from the past two years. She has something that you want."

I tightly press my lips together. I inhale a deep breath through my nose as I imagine exactly what it is Mason and I want from each other, and Mason isn't wrong. Our constant desire for one another is intimacy. Neither one of us could call it love, but his father isn't wrong either. I am the first girl in history to make Mason turn down everyone else. I ended that constant domino effect, bringing some sort of peace to him, or I'd love to believe that's what I did.

"So, Madison!" He says in a somewhat commanding kind of way. "What drew you to capture my son? What about him was it that came to your attention."

I can't tell his dad the truth. I can't tell him I found Mason attractive and then allowed him to take my virginity resulting in a new version of me, constantly hungry for Mason, wanting him, and not knowing what these other feelings are inside of me.

I slowly nod my head. I have no idea how wide my eyes are as I try to figure out what to say. My lips part as I get ready to come up with the most random explanation. Mason squeezes my hand and leans in. "We met at a football game." He explains, saving me from disaster. "One thing led to another and then I went by mom for a month."

"I remember that," Lyle adds, turning his attention back to me. "But that still doesn't answer how a girl who was aware of who you are, found a connection with you. Maybe an attraction, sure, you're my son. You're handsome. But Madison?"

"I saw something in him others didn't see," I admit, the words pouring out of my mouth faster than I can think. "I could see he was broken, and I liked that about him."

"Do you like broken? Madison?" Lyle questions, leaning in and analyzing me like there's something he's trying to understand.

I reach for my water, my eyes no longer looking at either one of them. "I do. There is something poetic about a broken person and I don't need to fix it if I can control it."
"Are you saying you can control me?" Mason questions, interrupting me and almost sounding angry by my statement. "This might be an experiment but that doesn't mean you have full reign."

"Relax, Mason!" I demand, my tone serious as I quickly look up at him. "That's not at all what I meant."

"Sorry." He looks down, with an almost inaudible tone. "I misunderstood you."

"And this is exactly what I mean," Lyle adds, gesturing his hands toward Mason with the widest smile I've seen on him yet this evening. "Mason, my son, would never agree to anyone trying to take control of him. I am not saying that Madison is trying to control you Mason, but I think you are very aware of what I mean."

"Explain?" I kindly ask, returning my attention to Mason as he continues to look down. "I'm sorry if I sounded pushy, but you have my attention."

"Mason has always been a troubled child," Lyle admits, turning his attention to Mason with a straight-lipped smile on his face. "He never listened to his mother and although this may be a little more personal when his mother and I divorced she was adamant about wanting nothing to do with him. Now that he is older, she talks to him and sees him but I'm surprised he is allowing it. He listens to no one. He is his own person."

"That's a lot to explain," I add, squeezing Mason's hand tighter. "I would never control Mason, but I want to help him become the person I see in him."

Lyle narrows his eyes. There is a warmness to him as he looks at me and then returns his attention back to Mason. "What is it you see, Madison?"

"Mason has a heart that he doesn't show anyone." I smile, bringing the water up to my lips. "He has something that most don't know he has. And he refused to show it or did refuse to until he met me. He's good, and I think he is good for me."

"And you are good for me." Mason pipes up interrupting me and flashing a quick smile, almost as if he doesn't want his dad to see his smile. "You're something special to me. I now understand what the feeling of 'needing someone' in my life feels like."

"That's why you went to your mothers, isn't it?" Lyle asks, interrupting him with a growing curiosity. "She mentioned something about you acting differently. You refused to discuss it with your mother. And it was Madison the entire time. Am I right?"
Mason nods, making my heart beat a little faster. I knew I was right. I can't admit it out loud. Mason already looks like a lost puppy. I can't make him feel any worse than what he may be feeling right now. He already had felt something for me before all of this and still proceeded to sleep with me.

"You knew this whole time?" I softly ask, my smile letting him know I care and want his honest answer. "You felt something the day you met me. Am I right?"

He softly nods, his eyes returning to mine. "Yep. That's why I ran with my emotions. You called me out on it. And you were right. I felt something that day and it scared the crap out of me."

"Because..." Lyle adds and pauses. "My son didn't know what that feeling meant. Now he does. And one day maybe he will know what love feels like. Or maybe it is love that you two feel and neither one of you understand it just yet."

"I'm not going to admit that," Mason argues and leans back against his chair, looking a little more relieved now. "If we were in love or loved each other. I think...I don't know what I think."

In my mind, I know what Mason is trying to say. I don't want to speak too much because it is new to us. We don't know what love is, but I have a feeling that this feeling is something like it or like it. But I don't see either one of us admitting our love for each other, if it's love we feel and I don't know what the consequences of being in a relationship and not admitting the truth might be. Could it potentially end us?