My Broken YOU

Now

The night is brightly lit by the moon and the stars. The smell of fresh-cut grass hits my nose as if it had been cut just an hour ago. I'd swear the sound of the crowd from the game cheers louder the further I get away from the stadium. Mason is nowhere to be found and I honestly don't even know why I am trying to find him. It's his problem, not mine.

The sidewalk is empty, not a single person around, which is normal with the football game going on. I'm starting to lose hope and get annoyed while trying to look for him. I feel like I've been searching for him forever. It's been maybe twenty minutes if that.

A part of me feels this weird sensation when I'm around him and I don't understand it. I've never felt it in my life, and I don't know what it is, but it's the only reason I am looking for him right now. My heart skips and there's this warmth that flushes to my face.

"What do you want, Madison!" Mason demands and scares me. He's sitting in some small stairway in the dark, hiding from...everyone? Holding a beer in his hand and has an angered look in his eyes. "Why did you follow me?"

I sigh, already regretting my decision. I step closer to him, slightly hesitant yet knowing I can't act scared or nervous around him. I need to take control of the situation and take control of him. "You called me your friend this past weekend." I remind him in a stern tone, letting him know I am not here to fight. "Mason. I'm here as a friend. But I will not play your childish games."

"Is that so?" he asks, bringing the bottle of beer up to his lips and continuing to take a swig. I watch as even in the darkness I can see his throat move as he swallows. His dark hair and piercing eyes match the dark stairway, yet I can still differentiate them from the darkness. He quietly grunts like he's amused by my statement. "I don't need a friend to watch me drink a beer. I can manage to do that all by myself. I'm a big boy."

I scoff and roll my eyes. "You're a dick! And I just said I'm not playing these stupid games." I argue and spin around to leave.

"Wait!" He says with urgency growing in his tone. "Madison..." He pauses and stands up, beginning to step toward me. "I can be an asshole and I can tend to get angrier than I need to, but I don't have any sense of direction when it comes to my emotions, I don't..." he pauses again looking down at the ground. "I don't have anyone to show me that direction."

"You're twenty-one, Mason," I argue, almost feeling like I need to explain this to him like he's a child. "You have everything handed to you on a platter. You should be the last person on this entire campus to be worried about much, which in turn should give you some sense of emotional direction."

"That's not fair, Madison." He smoothly whips the empty beer bottle toward the trash, and I watch as it drops in. "Just because I have a lot more than others, doesn't mean I don't have issues myself. Most people call me broken, and they're right."

"Why broken?" I question and step closer to him. My heart warns me that the closer I get, the faster it beats. "I know we hardly know each other but we can talk if you want. I've told you things I'd never tell anyone, and I honestly have no idea why. You can talk to me."

"I just did, Madison." He slightly argues, averting his eyes from mine. "I just told you something that I don't tell others. People call me broken, but I know I am broken. I know I need help."

"You don't need help. You need someone to show you direction." I say with knowing a part of me wants to be that person to give him direction. "Why'd you tell me things you won't tell others? Why me, Mason?"

"I don't know." He sighs and returns his eyes to mine, sending this weird emotional rush through me. "You bring something out of me, I've never..." he pauses and scoffs. He releases a heavy and confused-sounding breath. "I've never felt whatever this stupid shit is!"